Slut. Whore. Easy. Lush.
No, not listing my nicknames. Just writing down a few adjectives usually used to describe girls who get around. Girls who aren’t rigid when it comes to sharing a bed. Girls who are getting more ass than a lot of us.
I grew up whispering those names just as much as everyone else around me. She’s such a slut! I’d say, watching some chick walk down the hall. Apparently she went home with him, I’d sneer, doesn’t it bother her to be so easy?
But then I grew up a little, got out of a long term relationship, and found myself in the shark infested waters of New York City. Dating here is basically akin to pinball; people bouncing off one another until they land inside a nice cozy pocket and rotate around for a while, or bang off obstacle after obstacle, never getting anything more than a headache. Finding a strong relationship here is like finding a pair of shorts that actually make your legs look good.
(Okay. Two analogies in a row. Onward.)
The more I started dating, and the better I got to know myself, the more I started to question those tricky adjectives. In the year 2007, we’re still calling girls who like sex sluts, while guys who like sex are just…guys who like sex? What’s so bad about liking sex anyway? What’s so bad about sleeping with a lot of guys?
On a recent outing, I got into a conversation with a dude who—besides thinking he was much, much cooler than he actually was—claimed he had slept with between “20 to 100 women”. Now, I think he was lying. I really do. It’s not like I was sitting across the bar from Brad Pitt. But the thing that struck me was that to him, this statement of massive sexing was actually something to brag about. It was a way to get someone else to sleep with him. Had the tables been turned, and had I been the one bragging about such conquests, I’m not sure it would work the same way.
Which is weird. Obviously, Double Standard is still hanging around.
Alright, twist my arm. I’ve had one or two second night stands (I never sleep with someone I’ve just met. Need at least one date to make sure they’re not psychotic), and I can’t say I really regret any of them. Were they awesome? Most of the time, no. But were they horrible and did they scare me for life? Nope. Quite possibly I’ll do it again, should I find myself with someone attractive who’s got a personality I don’t particularly desire.
Guys aren’t the only ones who sleep with people casually (obviously, since you need two people to make sex interesting), and now that I can count myself as one of those girls who doesn’t need love before she shacks up, it seems like the whole Slut thing is going to need to be rethought.
Obviously there’s much more to this whole conversation, but maybe a starting point is the words themselves. Maybe, as women, we shouldn’t be so quick to judge each other. As satisfying as it might be to get revenge or spit out jealousy, those words really don’t do anything but keep the Double Standard around and kicking.
What do you think? Does the Double Standard still apply?