I’m Walkin’ on Flasks! Whoa-oh! And don’t I feel good!

So you need some way to covertly carry your alcohol. You can’t use your Nalgene because the booze will seep into the plastic and taint your regular water. You won’t wear a hip flask because a) it’s totes obv, and b) your hip bones are too sexy to be blocked by a chunk of metal. So what’s the moderately alcoholic college gal to do?

Oh, y’know, invest in some… flask sandals?!

Yep. These Dram Reef sandals have a “polyurethane encapsulated canteen” in the heel (read: a flask built right into the sole). Uh-huh, go on your morning walk (I can only assume that people who buy flask sandals also drink in the morning), get to your undisclosed watering hole, and liquor up the old fashioned way: from yer shoe.

And what?! They’re waterproof?! You can wade out into the ocean and drink to your heart’s content (well, until you’re so drunk that a wave grabs hold of your inebriated ass and drowns you).

Honestly, I’m kind of shocked that it took ‘em this long to invent these li’l gems. I mean, it makes complete sense: you need alcohol on the go, but in order to be on the go, you totes need shoes! Oh, and don’t forget, li’l alcoholic: you have two feet, and therefore two shoes. Is one vodka and one cranberry juice? One rum and one Curacao? The possibilities are endless.

Now we just need to wait with bated breath for a flask-cum-IUD.

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