Woops! I Made Wee-Wee in the Sheets

With only one month left until graduation it looked like I had a pretty good chance of being able to say that I had never pissed the bed while drunk. Well there goes that.

On Tuesday night I decided to go out with the ladies—no biggie, it’s happened before. But here’s the catch—I’ve never taken three weeks off from drinking before (since the start of college). I know, I know—“how sad”—wutevs. Anyways, sadly—but true—6 beers later and I was smashed. Cheapest night out I’ve had in a while, I’ll tell you what!

So I left the bar around 2:20a.m.—maybe?—and jumped into bed with my boy. All was good, the room was spinning only slightly, and before I knew it I was passed out and apparently in a drunken coma.

7:00a.m. rolled around and I awoke to the sun blazing in my eyes and a moderate size puddle underneath my bare booty. My first thoughts were that the dog had done it. Keep in mind I was at my boyfriend’s apartment and he had done me the favor of dog-sitting while I went out and got “crazy” with the ladies.

I jumped out of bed, desperately trying not to wake my boyfriend, all the while attempting to silently scold the pup for making wee-wee in the sheets. Turns out however, that I myself was soaking wet and the pup was on the other side of the bed, sleeping above the covers.

I was mortified.

I grabbed the nearest towel, threw it over the wet spot, and wooed myself to sleep as quickly as possible. When we woke up later that morning the spot was gone and he hadn’t a clue.

Well, now if he reads this he will. But seriously, what better way to find out that your girlfriend pissed your bed in her drunken stupor?

Apparently everybody’s doin’ it so I really don’t feel all that ashamed. I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s disgusting and I’m supposed to be a “lady” and all that jazz, but this is not the first time I’ve heard of someone wetting the bed while drunk, or wetting themselves in any fashion while drunk. Kegs and Eggs freshman year I proceeded to pee my pants 6 different times throughout the day. My argument, I had an amazing spot at the bar and I was already wet so what the hell!

People have been peeing their pants while drunk for decades and while I was looking forward to proudly graduating without ever peeing in the actual bed, I’m taking it all in stride—and besides it wasn’t technically my bed so again, wutevs!

In the words of Adam Sandler, “You’re not cool unless you piss your pants.”

Haley Voted Off, Simon Keeps Her Legs
Haley Voted Off, Simon Keeps Her Legs
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