Sibling Rivalry: Are Britney and Paris Bangable?

Yup. My brother and I had another lovely convo on IM. And in this exciting installment, we learn many things, including:

1. Guys will sleep with an annoying girl — but not date her

2. Britney Spears still isn’t hot. No matter what the pics say

3. EVERYONE knows who Sanjaya is

4. My brother has a grammar problem.

(23:22) Me: Do guy think Paris Hilton is hot?

(23:22) The Bro: um

(23:23) The Bro: she’s bangable

(23:23) The Bro: like…she’s not celebrity hot

(23:23) The Bro: and she’s not date-able

(23:23) The Bro: I think most sane men would agree.

(23:23) The Bro: No one wants to spend time with her…but…I doubt many men would turn down free sex with her, assuming no consequences

(23:24) Me: but her stupidly and selfishness and self-serving attitude doesn’t diminish her attractiveness?

(23:26) The Bro: Yes and no

(23:26) The Bro: I mean, there’s 2 categories:

(23:26) The Bro: bangable and date-able

(23:26) The Bro: her attitude makes her not just unattractive to date but undateable in my opinion

(23:26) The Bro: Id rather live alone the rest of my life then date her

(23:27) The Bro: as far as sexual attraction…for men (and you know this)…attitude means little at first. After you get to know a women that could change her sexiness…but like…if a dude meets a lady at a bar, and she’s looking good, and its happening, the guy isn’t gonna be like, “I can’t do this, she’s annoying”. Anyone who says that they’d hesitate is fat or has never had sex or both.

(23:28) The Bro: AND they are lying

(23:28) Me: what about Britney Spears? She’s got two kids that are probably bonkers and she seems, from all accounts, sort of nuts. What do guys think of her?

(23:29) The Bro: She’s not bangable or dateable. She hasn’t been either for years. She’s so ugly it’s god awful.

(23:29) Me: But she’s hot now!! Did you see the pictures? She’s got those abs you said you wanted…

(23:29) The Bro: I don’t care. Her face would look better with a Hannibal Lector mask on it.

(23:29) Me: I feel for her. I kind of get that double chin thing in pictures too…

(23:29) The Bro: You aren’t allowed to identify with her. She’s fucking crazy. You’re a student .U have stress. Real life stress. Which is an excuse.

(23:30) Me: For double chins in pictures?!?

(23:30) The Bro: Britney Spears has trainers. She’s got mad free time, its not like she’s mothering her kids.

(23:30) Me: So you have sympathy for me…when I reach for the ice cream…but not her?

(23:30) The Bro: My basic rule of thumb is this: if your a celebrity, and you show desire to still be ‘in the spotlight’, you should look good. Period. Unless you got famous while fat. In which case

(23:31) The Bro: that’s your character.

(23:31) The Bro: OR

(23:31) The Bro: OPTION 2

(23:31) The Bro: you lose weight and you’ll probably get more famous. Like Jack Black

(23:32) Me: he’s still kinda tubby

(23:32) The Bro: ya but he lost tons of weight

(23:32) The Bro: if you look at photos now

(23:32) The Bro: and photos from High Fedelity

(23:32) The Bro: misspelled

(23:32) The Bro: and so was that

(23:32) Me: actually, your grammar is pretty horrible…

(23:33) The Bro: its an IM so u can go fuck urself

(23:33) Me: let’s not fight. At least not over the computer.

(23:38) Me: so, final verdict: Paris Hilton: doable…Brittany: gross

(23:39) The Bro: I’d say that Paris Hilton is physically attractive but I have no desire to meet her. And if she asked me on a date, I’d say no. If she asked me for no strings attached sex…and she agreed to get tested first…I’d say yes.

(23:40) The Bro: If I met Britney Spears the only thing I’d do is try my hardest to rescue her children before she accidentally launches them into deep space while visiting the Kennedy launch site

(23:41) The Bro: or decapitates them because she thought she heard her little boy say ‘lets play swords’ in baby talk

(23:41) Me: one final question: Sanyaja: gay or straight?

(23:41) The Bro: who is that?

(23:41) Me: …American Idol….

(23:41) The Bro: oh. Is that the person with, like a weird ass Mohawk?

(23:42) Me: yup

(23:42) The Bro: Oh. I’ve never seen him on TV so i dunno. I’ve never seen a gay dude with that bad of a hair sense, though.

(23:42) Me: true

(23:42) The Bro: that shit looks straight stupid.

(23:42) Me: any last thoughts before I get back to what I should actually be doing?

(23:43) The Bro: women should learn Brazilian jujitsu

(23:43) The Bro: it won’t make you look strong but you will be able to beat someone’s ass.

(23:44) Me: good safety tip.

(23:44:) Me: What about grilling the perfect piece of chicken on a Foreman?

(23:44) The Bro: Medium heat, 8 minutes. Done.

(23:45) The Bro: get the ‘Grilleration’ because you can take the plates off and use them in the dishwasher

(23:45) The Bro: + it comes with waffle plates

(23:45) The Bro: Can’t go wrong.

Home Improvement, Female Edition
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