Show Your Mom Some Sweet Sweet Loving…

As you already know, this Sunday is Mother’s Day. I know, I know. Just when you’ve spent your last five-dollars on a glass of overpriced beer at the bar, it’s time to come up with a gift. This is a big one too. I know all mothers say that it’s not a big deal if you forget, but it totally is. Don’t screw this up. I just got my mom an autographed copy of the new Chuck Palahniuk book.

Yeah it’s kind of inappropriate, but so is my mother. This is the lady who gives me such words of advice as, “Mary, if you’re going to get a tattoo, get it someplace where it is easy to cover up….in case you marry well. You go to Dartmouth.” Ah Mom, what would I do without you…besides scare away preppy boys by having too much ink.

So if you don’t have a gift for that special lady, don’t you fret. Here are a few gifts you can charge to the old credit card (consider it a write-off) and ship home in time to get yourself some much needed brownie points.

All mothers love chocolate, so why don’t you purchase something a little classier than a Hersey’s bar. I mean, this isn’t a present for your older brother. Try the Mother’s Day Ballotin from Godiva which includes 36 pieces of gourmet chocolate ranging from dark chocolate ganache to the delicious crunch of praline and nut.

For the chocolate gift that keeps on giving, try the Fudge of the Month Club by Flippin Fudge, an insanely good Atlanta based company which gets its inspiration from Napoleon Dynamite. Think of the richest, densest, most delicious fudge you can think of with flavors like Skippy’s Surprise (a peanut butter and chocolate sandwich), Fuzzy Bubble (infused with champagne and peaches), and Wake-Up Call (expresso fudge).

For those exceptionally classy dames, try the the Vintage’s Collection 24 piece box from Noka, which is a compilation of the finest single-estate dark chocolates, which the company claims are optimally sized to deliver the ultimate tasting experience “permitting a concentrated tasting without over-satiating the palate.” Oh my.

If your mom would prefer to bake her own delights, try “Breakfast Lunch Tea” a cookbook by Rose Carrarini, owner of a famous bakery in Paris. If you play your cards right, mom might make you sticky toffee pudding when you come home for Thanksgiving. If you want to really dazzle her, pair the cookbook with these cute Nesting Cups and quirky measuring spoons, both from Anthropologie.

If you’re broke, there’s nothing wrong with a handmade card. The trick is to make it just tacky enough that she would stick it on the fridge, I’m talking crayons, glitter, you know, the works. Trust me, she’ll inwardly go “Awww…” and completely forget about the fact you spent jack on her for another year in a row.

One of the best presents I ever gave my mom only set me back $5. I went to Walmart, aka Hell, and bought some sidewalk chalk to decorate the entire sidewalk in front of her office with “I love you mom” and hearts, flowers, kittens…you get the drift. She adored it, raved about it for weeks. It totally made up for the fact I got her something lame like carnations the year after. I know, I know. So terrible.

Here’s to making your Mom love you even more than she already does, prompting her to send you more care-packages in the future.

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