Every week while watching The Office, gazing up at Jim lovingly from my futon, I’m torn between lust and discontent because I know that some rando like myself will never have a shot with John Krasinski. Life sure is rough for us mere mortals. Or is it?
According to “Sunday Styles”, one of my favorite parts of the New York Times, celebrities are turning to matchmakers to set them up with normal people. I mean, does anybody really want to be in a TomKat relationship, or even have America calling you and you significant other some equally shitty name like Bennifer?
So single celebs are increasingly turning to matchmakers like Samantha Daniels to expand their dating possibilities outside the realm of the red carpet. Good thing stars are swimming in the dough because top matchmakers come with a steep price tag. Daniels, based in New York, charges $25,000 for her services, which include her cell phone number, coaching on dating, etiquette, feedback and access to her database of over 50,000 clients.
Although some celebrities might want to meet normal folk, it’s hard for these stars to even approach us. Some are afraid that the tabloids will write about them, others are surrounded by giggling fans; others attract the inevitable army of Hollywood skanks.
“Having spent a lot of time in California, the caliber of women you get in the Hollywood community—these are models, actresses—they’re airheads, essentially,” one actor said, “If you’re in the mode for a serious relationship, you have to go beyond the airhead.”
As for what these lovelorn celebrities are after? Men tend to look for someone who isn’t a diva, while females are on the prowl for successful entrepreneurs, people who aren’t going to leech their money. What they all want is someone to support them but not steal their thunder. That job description doesn’t sound too bad. Among some of the celebrities that date outside their own kind are Matt Damon, Nicolas Cage, and Nick Cannon.
However, sometimes it doesn’t always work out. One woman, who got set up with some hot young actor, discovered that he would rather stay in his mansion than go out and actually, you know, do stuff. What’s the point of dating a star if he or she can’t get you into the hottest new restaurants? Sure they’re hot, but sometimes a girl has to eat and sometimes she just has to eat at a place that’s impossible to get into.
I would personally be thrilled to sleep with Jon Krasinski, but I would be even more thrilled if we could have post coital Sour Cream Poached Maine Lobster with braised leeks and fennel with lobster soy butter, pickled papaya and cauliflower flan at the Russian Tea Room, not that it’s especially hard to get into, but it’s just so swank looking you know? Plus, they have one fine selection of caviar that I wouldn’t be paying for. You can see that I have this whole affair planned out. Now all I have to do is get in Daniel’s rolodex—unfortunately I don’t think she takes applications. Foiled again!