Bitten: Not Sex and the City Chic

When I heard that Carrie Bradshaw, excuse me, Sara Jessica Parker was launching a clothing line named “Bitten” with mall-based Steve & Barry’s, I clapped my hands in glee. I imagined the cutting edge outfits and fabulous accessories I still idolize whenever I plop down for SATC marathon—sort of like Forever 21 to the next level. But I won’t be switching loyalties anytime soon, Bitten pales in compassion.

The spread in this month’s Glamour looked so promising too, all the outfits looked more or less lovely, if a little uninspired—until I read the captions. The dress that caught my eye in one shot was actually by Burberry, the striking top in another was by Oscar de la Renta, the fabulous jacket by Chanel… Only the most basic and quite frankly boring pieces where actually from the new line.

I wish I could show you proof of how completely mediocre these clothes are, but lawyers from Steve & Barry’s are hassling all bloggers who post pictures of the new line (speculation is that the clothes are going to be revamped because nobody but Oprah seems to like them).

I suppose you get what you pay for …the collection will include jeans, lingerie, casual wear, and accessories ranging from $8 to $15. In the interview with Glamour, Sara Jessica Parker says that her clothes “are not setting a trend. We’re not Balenciaga. They’re well-made clothes that feel of-the-moment.” She’s not lying.

“It’s about affordable, well-made American sportswear. It’s about fashion not being a luxury,” she says. “It’s really, really important to us that it be good, feel good, have a life, that it make a difference in your life and that you have money left over to live.” That’s all well and good, but I don’t want people to fall asleep just looking at me. Anyone can make a cheap pair of jeans or a striped shirt. If I wanted that, I would go to the Gap. The point releasing a clothing line is to bring something new to the fashion arena, like Gwen Stefani with L.A.M.B. If you’re going to release boring stuff, market it for the middle-aged or just stick to hawking perfume.

It looks like Steve & Barry’s won’t be successful anytime soon either. Amanda Bynes just signed a deal with the company to create an exclusive collection of clothes and accessories. What does she even wear?! I haven’t even thought of this c-list actress since her illustrious days on kiddie TV. Well, I guess we can all wait to bash her line until the Aug 10 launch. I’m not holding my breath.

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