Attack of the Creepy Old Guy: Beach Edition

You’ve worked extra hard to get the money to rent that beach house with friends, ran a few extra laps at the gym to fit in that bathing suit, and have been sneaking into a Mystic Tan booth once a week so you can look naturally bronzed. Now that you’re finally ready to enjoy your summer, what’s the last thing you want to deal with?

Creepy old men.

Oh yes. They’re no longer just standing with their equally balding buddies in the corner of your favorite bar, perpetually trying to buy you cheap drinks, slurring that if they didn’t have a wife and three kids they’d “totally take you out”. They’re now renting beach houses in the same places you are, just waiting to pull out their towels and plop their 40-Something bodies down next to you in the sand.

According to an article in The New York Times, there’s a breed of older men who just aren’t ready to give up their college lifestyle—even though college ended twenty years ago. These guys have been renting summer shares for decades, and see no reason to leave their annual vacations, or cruising ways, behind.

“Sometimes it’s tough to pull off being in a relationship and being in a share house” a 42 year old East Village stock trader and Hamptons house sharer explained to the paper, sounding more like a college freshman than someone twice that age, ““There’s a lot of temptation”.

Not all of these guys continue renting summer beach homes to sleep with as many women as possible. Some of them are looking for love.

“Relationships I thought were going to last didn’t last,” Explained another 42 year old partier, this one renting on Fire Island. “And to tell you the truth, the past five years, the older I get the shorter the relationships get, and now it’s like a game of musical chairs. There’s nobody left. It’s sad. So I come here for hope.”

I might feel bad for these perpetually single guys, if they weren’t going about it all wrong. Most college kids and 20-Somethings don’t want the same things as 42 year olds. Marriage, kids, a house, mortgages, these are not things most of us are ready to deal with. Going to places where younger crowds hang out is the not the best plan if you’re looking for marriage.

If these guys feel like being the oldest dudes doing keg stands, then I suppose it’s their prerogative, but don’t expect me to respect them. Acting like you’re 25 when you’re 25 is fine, but acting like it when you’re 40?

Lame.

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