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Zach Braff is Creepy

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Anyone who would cheat on Mandy Moore is just a little bit devoid of morality, but for some reason, Zach Braff is especially slimy. The guy has become ubiquitous, skulking around NYC romancing groupies left and right. He’s so smarmy Mandy managed to pen a whole album about his toxic ways. I don’t wanna taste of that candy.

But Braff is fighting back. He doesn’t want his nice – guy image tarnished by Mandy and more’s testimonials. Yesterday, he attempted to make nice with the ladies in the classiest of ways: through his myspace blog. As he writes: He’s just a normal guy. He’s 32. He’s dating. He’s happy!

Of course he’s happy, screwing (literally and figuratively) people without a care. You see, Zach Braff represents a dangerous breed of man: the sensitive intellectual who will secretly and stealthly screw you over. This guy reels you in with his kind eyes, open ears and taste in indie rock, only to dump you cold as soon as he’s bored, or even worse, keep “listening” to you while simultaneously “listening” to six other women.

It’s important to know about this predator because he runs rampant on college campuses. He’s the great – personality – but less – than – attractive guy on your floor who you never really consider dating, but then in one desperate moment you succumb to his acoustic rock and expansive modern library until he kicks you out at 11 p.m. to prepare for his next patient.

Let’s put it this way: The Zach Braff makes me yearn for a heedless, airheaded frat boy.

COLLEGECANDY Writer