As temperatures rise and shorts, bathing suits, and skirts become less about fashion and more about necessity, it becomes more and more vital that I love myself. I must love myself because I’m not always the biggest fan of my thighs and stomach. I must love myself because I always think my arms could be firmer and my knees could stop looking so weird.
As I type this, I’m sitting at my desk in a bathing suit (living in New York has kept me far away from any type of swimming pool, but bathing suits are much more acceptable than a bra and underwear if someone were to knock or accidentally look into my apartment. Or if a stranger crawls through my window while drunk. This has happened. I am now always prepared), sweating and drinking water like a mad woman.
Any other article of clothing would be insane to wear at the moment, and thus, I’m forced to see my body in all of its flawed glory—and probably will be seeing it for the rest of the day into tomorrow, if NYC continues to bake me like a Christmas turkey. Since starting a new gym routine that includes lifting and more cardio, I’m more comfortable in my skin than I’ve been in a while, but even a size 4/6 looks less than perfect when one is sitting Indian style in a bathing suit.
But I won’t give in. I won’t give in to the nagging feeling that I should stop eating just for the day, or swear off anything with carbs, or run down the block to one of the 12 GNC’s by my apartment and grab a bottle of weight loss pills. I won’t give in, because I’m 24, and I’ve been down this road season after season.
I also won’t diet. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Dieting makes me sad, obsessive, and only works for a little while. If I diet, I’ll lose weight, but the weight I’ll become won’t be something I can maintain comfortably.
I’m normal for my height, have a good BMI, but must consistently fight the urge to freak out when I see an unflattering picture or a girl who is literally half of me. I have to fight the urge, but I do, because life seems too short to obsess about becoming thin.
Sometimes, I feel like I’m the only one out there who feels this way. What about you, lovelies? Anyone out there who’s at a normal, healthy weight and fighting to love herself that way? Anyone else refuse to diet? Anyone else sick of the Hollywood brainwashing? Let me know!
…Before my apartment completely turns into a rotisserie oven.