Luxuriously Loaded Youngins

Apparently you only have to play a wizard (not actually be one) to make millions of dollars magically appear. In the spirit of the new Harry Potter and the Daniel Radcliffe craze, I found it fitting to blog about rich teens (and how completely undeserving they are of their millions.).

Don’t get me wrong, I wholeheartedly believe that acting and singing are an admirable art. In no way is it an easy job.

Motion pictures or the right lyrics can change peoples’ lives, send important messages, or make you cry hysterically for hours unsure as to why you care so damn much that Rafe forgave his innocent best friend Danny for rolling around in the parachute hangars with the woman that they both love.

My point is, the amount of money that these celebrities are getting paid is absolutely ridiculous, especially considering how much cool shit they get for free just for being famous in the first place!

Daniel Radcliffe (aka Harry Potter) has officially been named Britain’s wealthiest teenager, worth a reported 23 million. (out-earning Joss Stone!). As if that’s not enough, he’s getting paid $50 million for the next two Potter movies. On July 23rd, Radcliffe will be turning eighteen, not only celebrating his legality by probably sleeping with plenty of thirty-something gold-digging vixens, (he just dropped $17,000 on a custom made Savoir mattress, try and tell me he’s a virgin), but eighteen also means finally gaining full access to his mind-boggling funds. I’m sorry, am I the only one nauseated over the “sexy” pictures of the little boy? Ron was always more my type, I think it’s the flannel.

Hayden Panettiere (aka the rando who decided to date fellow rando Steven Coletti from Laguna Beach. Yes, she’s dating Ste-veeeeeeennnnn) is estimated to make about $2 mil a year. It gets better — her debut album is supposed to be released in 2008. There’s no doubt that her edited off-beat voice drowned out by cymbals crashing and pre-recorded keyboard melodies will make her many more Benjamins.

People Magazine decided this topic was so important that they resolved to make it their July cover story. They also decided to mention Rihanna, who really is only letting you stand under her umba-rella because every time it rains she has a portable roof built and customized right above her head (and million dollar legs.).

Even worse, I was forced to desperately control my gag reflex when I learned that nineteen-year-old Hilary Duff also made the list. Every time I read or see an interview with her I have suppress the urge to punch myself repeatedly in the temple. The girl that once said something (non-verbatim) along the lines of, “I really like the way the word dignity sounds. So, I went online and looked up what it means, and then I liked it. So, that’s why my album is called dignity.” Yeah, she makes about $12 million a year.

Wait, like? One million a month? Hold on, let Hil grab her diamond-encrusted calculator.

LiLo’s Bringing Naked Back
LiLo’s Bringing Naked Back
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