Girls Don’t Like Boys…Girls Like Cars & $$$

As if it wasn’t hard enough to weed out all the sketchies at the bar already, we now have something else to be suspicious of. His phone number.Well, not the actual number, but what he writes it on.

There’s no doubt in my mind that the creator of these Custom Fake Receipts must be some, graduated college in nine years Van-Wilder-type frat boy living off Daddy’s money ‘til he struck it rich thanks to the desperate-for-female-attention market he once was so proudly a part of. (You know those guys that will do absolutely anything to get in your pants?)

These counterfeit ATM slips have an agonizingly pathetic purpose. The gameplan? Mr. I-Used-Four-Bottles-of-Gel-to-Get-My-Hair-Like-This actually succeeds in buying some innocent girl enough drinks to get her nice and sloppy, and just when her beer goggles have set in just right, (he looks more like James Marsden than James Gandolfini all of a sudden) he whips out one of these slips.

It’s like it’s just some crinkled receipt he carelessly stuffed in his “overstuffed” wallet, he scribbles his number on the back, and hopes you’re curious enough to wake up the next morning, examine the slip, and realize you’ve struck gold, literally. These fake receipts are meant to give the receiver the false impression that your bank account is well-endowed, (much moreso than anyone that uses these slips probably is ahem, in other departments.)

Pardon me for being a naive, but since when are guys looking for golddiggers? Is that now a desirable trait in a date, or did too many guys take to heart that damn Good Charlotte song? And forgive me for stating the obvious, but won’t these foolish ladies realize at some point that you’re not loaded? Like when they’re stuck riding in your mom’s brokedown ’96 Dodge minivan? Or the first time you take them to your 3×5 foot apartment?

Why can’t guys realize that our attraction to them stems from their confidence in who they are, money or lack thereof? I can’t speak for all women, after all, there are plenty who do care about a bloke’s wallet more than his personality, but why waste your hard earned cash trying to win those ones over?

After all, a year’s supply of these receipts will cost you fifteen Washingtons, which makes no sense to me, really. Wouldn’t anyone who truly felt the need to invest in this deceiving tool not really have a disposable income to begin with? Here’s a tip gentleman, save your fifteen dollars and spend it on a nice cheap date with a kind open-minded girl. Cheers.

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