THE Sexiest Bathing Suit, Ever

Perez Hilton just made my day. Thanks to his new posting, I finally know what kind of bathing suit I’m going to buy before the summer’s over! Phew….I was getting nervous there.

Meet Wholesome Wear!!!!!!

“A modest line of clothing for “wherever.”

A spandex undergarment, a loose fitting Taslan outer garment and a single zipper that unites both garments for swimming ease? I can only think of one word to describe these waterproof wonders:

SEXY!!!!

Okay, I kid, I kid. These things are hideous.

The Culotte version, the Skirted version AND the “Slimming” version (not very slimming if you ask me) are monstrosities that look like they could be worn “wherever.” Like wherever, as in, on an Amish farm if you happen to be churning butter or fetching water from the well. Good God, not swimming in the water! Who the F*CK would wear these things in public and look this excited?

I understand that some people are genuinely modest about their bodies, and shopping for swimsuits can sometimes be super frustrating and scary and, yes, lots of people would rather not wear a string bikini to the beach. Maybe instead, those people can find something more like….I don’t know, this? Plus, wearing a sack that looks like a polyester jumper from the ’80’s won’t exactly help blend you in with the crowd.

But, ladies, if you must have one of these awesomely manufactured pieces of hotness for your apartment building’s next big pool party, you’re in luck.

The swimwear, like the Culotte, is only $71.20 plus shipping and handling! (Rip off? No way!) I’d definitely go with the bright purple outer garment and Jade Floral undergarment, but that’s just me.

There’s being slutty and then there’s being conservative. Just like there’s modesty and being “wholesome,” there’s also just really, really, AWFULLY bad taste.

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