Try your best to not punch me once I say this, but the summer’s end is fast approaching.
It’s a time for lists, and packing, shopping, lists, and laundry, and did I mention lists?
Not only do you have to worry about transporting your enormous shoe collection (“I swear I’ll wear those grey pumps this year. I need them! They were on sale!”), but you’ve also got to fumble around with a bedspread, desk supplies, towels, food, microwaves, laptops, all of it. Your whole life and being.
It’s a bit stressful.
Luckily we here at CC have taken the time aside to compile a list of ten things you most definitely should not forget:
1. Digital camera. Trust us, there will be many a worthy photo op, (though I suppose a four story beer funnel doesn’t really qualify as a thoughtful Kodak moment) and who doesn’t enjoy a trip down memory lane later on? Besides, what else will you show your grandchildren? (“…and this is granny doing a kegstand…and this is granny dancing on the bar…oh yes! There’s grams kissing a nice boy…what? No, no…not grandpa…”)
2. Lots of spare change. You’ll be surprised how much laundry you’ll have, namely your sheets. It used to be a Sunday morning tradition during the school year, for a guy friend down the hall (who gained a beaming record as drunken bed-wetter) to enter our room collecting spare quarters. We coined it, “the piss stain fund.”In case you’re unconvinced, (those of us who manage to control our bodily functions most likely), my sister will tell you different.
In the trusting world of dorm life, a pair of her friends kept their door unlocked as they drifted off to sleep one Saturday night. Later, one of the girls was rudely awoken by a drunken boy who’d mistaken her bed for his own, and climbed in with her! This same boy then proceeded to poop in her bed. Yes, I said poop, and no, this is not an urban legend. It is fact. He was called ‘the shitter’ for the rest of the year, until he desperately transferred universities to escape his horrifying reputation. The moral of the story: when laundry duty calls, don’t find your piggy bank empty.
3. Your freedom. In the word of college this indavertently means…your boyfriend. I’m all for making a relationship work if you’re both really in it for the right reasons, but in all honesty? I’d say about ninety percent of my friends who began college with a significant other had dropped them by Valentine’s Day. It’s college, i.e. practically an antonym for monogamy. I’ve seen guy friends cheat on the girls they’re seemingly in love with left and right, and I don’t know what it is.
It could be blamed on being young and immature, it could just be the booze (though I’d never deem that a worthy excuse), but whatever it is, college really is a cesspool of extreme temptation (be it that 2 AM calzone you’re considering ordering or that cute boy down the hall that you’re sure delivers). We at CC would just hate to see you miss out on a fun and crazy social experience all in the name of l-u-s-t. Not worth it.
4. A boomin’ sound system. Yeah yeah, you have that dorm noise policy or whatever. Blasting JT & Fiddy at 9 pm though while you’re mid-pregame and makeup regimen could not get you or your roommate more pumped for the night. College deserves its own soundtrack, arguably the best mix ever.
5. Beer bong. Preferably this one, so you don’t have to run past your RA’s room with a large neon green funnel. Another brilliant option would be this genius shotgun contraption, for those of us who share the same love for pounding brew, but with a more pronounced gag reflex. Whatever gets the job done!
6. Deck of cards. Drinking games: the best way to procrastinate on a Monday night.
7. Red Bull in bulk. Besides the whole calories, bad for you shpeel (whatevs) it’s the best chaser and Godsent on a hungover Thursday morning. Skipping too many classes will ultimately bite you in the butt.
8. Multiple alarm clocks. One friend’s didn’t go off on the morning of her whopper final exam. She showed up twenty minutes late, sweaty, with her pants on backwards and inside out. The door was at the front of the lecture hall. She will never be the same.
9. Video Chat. On an Apple computer or via webcam, it’s the best way to keep in touch with high school friends who opted for different universities. Even to keep in touch with mom! (“Hi Mom, this is my roooom, and this is my handle of vodkaaaa…”)
10. Dare. Confused? When someone asks you truth or dare, be the type of person to pick dare. The most important thing to remember in college is social willingness, to be friendly, and open to meeting new people. Take chances, brave risks, dare. If that bellydancing club looks cool to you, join it. Sit next to the cute boy in your Astronomy class, and gasp, ask him if you can borrow his pencil. These little things are going to pay off, and you’re going to be happy you put yourself out there.
Now go party for goodness sake! You’re in college!