Penis Pumping Condom Helps Out Men Everywhere

This one’s for the guys.

Everyone knows condoms aren’t the easiest things to convince people to use. Whether they’re British and embarrassed, or just dumb and stupid, a lot of guys claim strapping on the latex glove makes everything less…intense.

In case you’ve got one these bitchy complainers on your hands (and really, why anyone would stick with an ass who whines about keeping himself from accidentally becoming a father?), British condom maker Futura Medical Plc may have finally made the condom that shuts him up for good.

According to a study the company released on Thursday, their new condoms help men “have firmer and bigger erections, as well as a longer-lasting sexual experience.”

How does this happen? Well, those practical thinkers at Futura Medical put “a small amount of gel” in the peak of the condom that “dilates the arteries and increases blood flow to the penis.”

You know, I had a lipstick that did the same thing once. It was supposed to plump my lips, but instead, it just tingled until it burned.

Here’s hoping Futura Medical isn’t using the same formula.

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