Are You Too Clingy? Here’s Some (Obvious) Advice

She’s just too clingy.

Did you shudder? It seems like every time a guy utters that sentence, girls everywhere tremble a little inside.

It’s one of our biggest fears in a relationship. Are we hanging on too tightly? Are we calling too much? Should we pull back?

I could ask a thousand of those questions, but I won’t, because you’ve probably already heard them echoing in your head. Let’s just say clinginess tends to be a girl hang-up.

Knowing this and wanting to help (or just wanting to pretend he’s an expert on something) David Zinczenko, the editor in chief of Men’s Heath, recently wrote an article all about this relationship snafu, and how women can avoid it. While some people might think he’s finally cracked the code on relating, it seems to me that he’s just dolling out common sense.

The first thing Zinczenko urges women to do is not call their guy more than twice a day.

You make more calls than that? The unspoken message is that maybe you don’t trust him, or don’t have enough to do yourself, or are relying too much on him for everyday satisfaction”.

Unfortunately, he has no advice for a situation I was recently in: a guy text messaging 7 times in one night.

The second thing us females should avoid? Joint email accounts. Um. Of course. Who in their right mind would force their significant other to share an email? Unless you’ve been married for ten years, this is the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard. Email is free, people. No need to be frugal.

Thirdly, Zinczenko advises us to lay off the celebrity gossip. And I say, if there’s any girl out there who actually thinks a straight guy enjoys hearing all about Britney’s custody battle, she deserves to live alone forever. Sure, everyone likes to see the latest nipple slip, but the only guy who likes talking for hours about it is your gay life partner.

The fourth and last tip Zinczenko has for girls everywhere is to “do your own thing”. Guys want to be left alone sometimes, he says, so make sure you make plans that don’t include him. Plans like visiting your friendly neighborhood Chippendales.

Not that I don’t appreciate Zinczenko’s hard work and mountains of detailed research, but unless you’re an idiot, I’m not sure his editorial is going to help. It seems to me the “clingy” issue is much more nuanced than blasting a boyfriend with telephone calls. Men and women view “coupledom” differently, and finding a balance between togetherness and individuality is difficult.

I mean, is it a bad idea to stalk your dude when he goes out to hang with his friends? Sure. But it’s the feelings that drive those stalker tendencies that need to be addressed, not just the action itself.

Unless, of course, you stalk him with a baseball bat and mace. That sort of thing should really be checked out.

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