The Most F*CKED UP Experiments, EVER!

With classes starting up again, many of us will be forced to take some kind of bullshit science course which will never be of any use to us. I remember at the start of my freshman year, we all had to take, if nothing else, “Baby Bio” – the liberal arts version of biology. We learned a lot of really long plant names; that’s about all I know.

Baby Bio was the last time science was a part of my life, with the exception of a few experimental liquor drinks I’ve concocted along the way.

For those of you who are like me, and haven’t had much science in your life, prepare to be freaked the f*ck out by this list of the most bizarre and crazy-ass experiments in history. These weird scientists went waaaaay beyond memorizing their plant names, and most of the time, they just jumped right into these odd experiments out of pure curiosity.

Check out the list. Learn some things. Freak out your friends. Warning: some of these are pretty disgusting.

Some of the most whacked experiments asked the questions:

What would happen if you give 297 milligrams of LSD (3000 times the level of a typical human dose) to an elephant? Wow, I ask myself that every day. Scientists still don’t know for sure, cause the experiment didn’t go as planned, but I’d say…ummmmm…it’d have one hell of a trip.

What if you put a female prostitute in a room with a gay man after he’s given “heterosexual hormones”? He’ll have sex with her, obvi! He is, after all, still a man. But, in the end, he was still gay. Dammit, science!

What do you get when you try to breed an ape and a human? Gross! Dr. Il’ya Ivanov was clearly a psycho for attempting to artificially inseminate female chimpanzees with human sperm. He was unsuccessful, but even more disturbing is how he found an orangutan named Tarzan and tried to recruit female volunteers to carry Tarzan’s child.

And even MORE disturbing? There were women who said YES! But Tarzan died before any orangutan baby mammas were created and Ivanov was sent off to a prison camp for a couple of years. Aw. Too bad.

What happens when you drink disease-induced puke? Stubbins Ffirth wanted to prove that yellow fever wasn’t contagious back in the 19th century. So he poured “fresh black vomit” obtained from a yellow-fever patient into cuts in his arms, put it in his eyes, smeared it on his body and DRANK IT. Didn’t get sick. Hey…I think we have a new Shot of the Week!

Why are turkeys so horny? Again, a question I ask myself everyday. Apparently, male turkeys are really horny. So, a couple of scientists removed parts of a turkey model one by one, to see how a live turkey would react to it. What did they learn? “It preferred a head on a stick over a headless body.” Turkeys love head! The scientists went on to do the same experiment, but with chickens, and I’m not kidding you when I tell you that the outcome began the scientific title: “Effects of morphological variations of chicken models on sexual responses of cocks.” Almost too easy.

What happens when you ask a stranger to have sex with you? This one is most near and dear to my heart, because it took place on my alma mater’s campus. FSU baby!

Back in the 70’s, pretty college girls from a social psychology class went up to random college guys across campus and asked them, “Would you go to bed with me?” to find out if girls or guys would be more receptive to the proposition.

“Seventy-five percent of guys were happy to oblige an attractive female stranger (and those who said no typically offered an excuse such as, “I’m married”). But not a single woman accepted the identical offer of an attractive male. In fact, most of them demanded the guy leave her alone.”

Not surprising in the least.

And there’s your science lesson for the day. I hope you’ve all learned something. If nothing else, you now know that elephants like LSD, turkeys are horny, even after having heterosexual sex, a homosexual is still a homosexual, there are women out there who would birth a monkey’s baby, you can, in fact, drink yellow fever vomit and not contract yellow fever, and, above all, a college guy would jump into bed with a female stranger faster than a girl would.

Um, you’re welcome?

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