Like Britney, I Too Take Horrible Photos

I am not a freak.

I am not ugly. I am not fat. I only have one chin, and I can certainly rock a pair of jeans.

Just not in pictures.

I. Take. Horrible. Photos. In fact, I think I am the most unphotogenic person to ever grace this good earth.

Candid pictures are the enemy, and everyone knows me as the girl who “untags herself” on Facebook. Even though everyone saw me partying it up on Friday night, like a top secret spy, I erase any and all remnants of my person once the pictures hit the internet.

Why? Well, I guess you could say I have a dash of low-self esteem. Growing up, I was a chubby kid until about 7th grade.

I still remember what it’s like to have huge cheeks that turn your eyes into little slits when you smile, and I often see myself as that chipmunked-out kid whenever a photo pops up showing me grinning like a moron.

Anything that makes me look the least bit chubby is immediately deemed horrible.

But I really think there’s more to my fear of pictures than living with the normal amount of 20-something image issues. I just flat out look bad in two dimensions. Over and over, time and time again, shot after shot, my face shines like a rich guy’s shoes and my face gains about 7 pounds.

Some of you are probably shaking your heads right now, certain that I just hate myself. But honestly, if the evidence wasn’t so cringe worthy, I’d put it up right now. Just to prove my point.

Some people aren’t photogenic. And I’m one of them.

My mom of course, claims this isn’t so, and even goes as far as to exclaim, “why, you’re one of the most photogenic people I know! You always look great!” This is to be expected from a mom.

Moms love you no matter how you look. Moms have a special ability to look past double chins, half-closed eyes, and strangely gaping mouths to see the inner beauty behind it all. When it comes to the appearance of their children, Moms are constant optimists.

I’m a realist. And the one usually half covering her face in family photos.

Besides screaming and running away like a freak whenever anyone pulls out a camera, my only option is to tilt my head, hope for a good angle, and do my best to ignore those occasional photos that make me look like some kind of melting monster. I’ve got to be strong enough in my self-image to know that a picture means nothing, and it’s what I look like in reality that matters.

…but seriously, stop tagging me on Facebook.

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