Celeb Rap Superstar: Super Awesome

Thank the Lord for “Celebrity Rap Superstar.”

My first viewing was last week; I had seen the commercials and made a solemn oath to avoid this one at all costs. But like Whitney to crack, there I was in front of my television, enjoying the rush of shame and delight that came from my first few moments of CRS.

None of the contestants on the show are legitimately famous. Reality television has produced a mass of “celebrities” that are longing to extend their already used 15 minutes of fame.

There is Jason Wahler of The Hills, who forgot every single lyric during is first performance, making Ashlee Simpson look legitimate. You will laugh, and cringe, and perhaps shed a tear for poor Jason, who takes himself WAY too seriously.

Then of course, there’s the Queen of All Media, Ms. Perez Hilton himself. The nice thing about Perez is that he is actually in on the joke, and makes fun of himself the whole time. He knows he’s a blogger who got lucky, and proceeds to laugh his way to the bank. Perez already has street cred, he doesn’t need to earn it.

Kendra Wilkinson shakes her ass a whole lot with out really knowing what she’s doing. When she messes up, she goes into a robotic default stripper mode and this tends to win her points with the audience and judges. Her sugar daddy Hugh Hefner sat proudly in the audience as she pooped out De La Sol.

Who is Countess Vaughn? Can someone please tell me? Because she’s on this show too.

It took me a minute, but Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite is on the show too. I think he has a real name, but until they said, “Pedro,” I had no clue who he was. He is completely adorable though, and looks very stoned all the time.

The judges and “rap mentors” are surprisingly all legitimate, well known rappers. DMC is a judge, Warren G, and Redman show up. They take the show seriously as well, but also seem to get off on watching other people rap very poorly.

The show is American Idol style, where the television audience can call in votes, and the “celeb” with the least amount of votes has to leave the show.

I’m not quite sure what the prize is, but I hope it’s worth the humiliation for everyone involved. And someone needs to tell Shar Jackson, she’s not cute and just because she had a kid with K-Fed it doesn’t mean she’s famous.

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