I was watching The Pick-up Artist marathon yesterday. (BTW, congratulations on winning, “Kosmo,” who seems as though he’s actually a struggling actor rather than a struggling smooth talker. Whatever he is, I’m sure he’ll be snagging all the hot women now that he’s rolling with this guy.)
Anyway, my ears perked up when one of the contestants stumbled over to a table of women and basically said, in between the stuttering and awkward silences,
“So I have this friend, and he’s dating this girl, and she found a shoe box under his bed full of pictures of his ex, and now she’s really pissed. What’s up with that?”
Let’s ignore how obnoxious it is when a strange guy interrupts your conversation at a bar to “open a set” as Mystery so maturely defines it. Snooping is not the least bit uncommon. We’ve all done it…right? So, the question is – is it wrong, or is it smart?
If you go through your boyfriend’s stuff when he’s not around, there’s obviously some kind of trust issue, sometimes warranted, sometimes not. Maybe you have some kind of feeling that there’s something fishy going on, maybe he’s really closed-off, and maybe there are obvious clues pointing out some serious shadiness.
Maybe you’re just looking for him to be this lying, cheating asshole, because, let’s face it…most men are. This iVillage survey/report reveals that women are snooping and spying everywhere, and they ain’t afraid to say it.
Technology today makes it so easy to track what your significant other has been doing (when he’s not doing you) and sometimes technology can reveal a lot – cell phone logs, past emails, texts – with the click of a button, you can get all the bare-boned information you need.
Lots of times, the female intuition is right, and cheating has certainly been taking place. Other times, there is no cheating whatsoever, and if he catches you snooping, you can come off looking like a crazy, neurotic nut bag and he will dump you – justifiably.
I know I’ve done it. I remember the first time my college boyfriend left me at his place while he went out for an hour or so. I was sitting there, alone, in his room, and for some reason, I had to look around. It was just this itch I had to scratch.
I ended up finding a box in his closet, basically dedicated to his ex – pictures of them, letters from her, little toys and crap she had given to him when they were together. I never brought it up to him, and while I knew they were no longer talking and he had every right to keep his memories with her tucked away in his closet, it always bothered me.
I regretted doing it.
Snooping is a slippery slope and there’s a fine line between whether or not you should do it. If you’re gonna do it, make sure to NOT GET CAUGHT. Sorry to reference Sex and the City, but I gotta. Remember the episode where Carrie sleeps with a guy who seems “too perfect” and when he leaves her at his place, she snoops around, gets caught and gets dumped? Pretty embarrassing, and she ended up losing a good guy.
If you’re gonna snoop, here are some helpful tips, and I know I’m going to hell for this:
Think about it first. Before you go rifling through stuff that isn’t yours, beware of the consequences. You could feel really guilty about doing it, and if you find nothing questionable, it could easily remain on your conscience and you’ll end up telling him, and he’ll probably end up dumping you. Ask yourself if he has shown you signs of shadiness. If not, then don’t get yourself into an unnecessary moral quandary. If he has……
Make sure you’re free and clear. Wait until he has left the premises. Make sure his friends/roommates are not home, and if they are, lock the bedroom door. Mua-ahh-ahh, sounds evil, but necessary.
Define freaky. Guys own porn. This we know. If you find magazines or video tapes, whatever. No big deal. If you find some weird sh*t, or some really weird sh*t, it’s not cheating, but maybe it’s something you should keep in mind. No one likes a closet freak, even if he keeps his freak in the closet.