America’s Next Top Model Gets Crazy!

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America’s Next Top Model got batsh*t crazy last night, when the girls practiced runway walking while wearing straightjackets. Seriously.

Miss Jay explained that often in couture shows, you have to walk in constricting costumes. Which is a fine explanation and all if more than a handful of past ANTM contestants have ever walked on a runway after the show.

The green van takes the girls back to the house, where Bianca calls Saleisha “borderline plus-size,” which, you know, makes me the poster child for morbid obesity.

Bianca goes on to say that she’ll “bring bitches down,” and will stoop to cutting up clothes, but don’t let the red hair fool you! She’s a real model and she can be couture!

Uh, what? Someone needs anger management classes a bit more than runway training, methinks.

A couture runway show is up next, and I’m officially in love with Victoria. She has the most interesting face in the competition other than Janet. Saleisha wins the challenge and Bianca sneers and bitches and makes me loathe her more.

The bondage theme of the episode continues with a photo shoot involving ropes and couture. You know, just another day climbing a rock wall in a designer gown. My favorites were Heather and Victoria (sorry Janet!), but the whole thing just didn’t do much for me.

Reminded me too much of gym glass my senior year of high school, when girls would attempt to do the ropes course in full makeup after primping in the bathroom during Algebra.

The momentum of the drama early in the episode doesn’t really carry through to the end, which is disappointing considering I was all revved up for hair coloring and weave chopping.

Ebony looks constipated the entire judging and I’m a bit disappointed that she still made it. The bottom two is a showdown between Bianca, who looks unamused, and Kimberly. In the interest of drama and future hair-pulling, Bianca stays. Next week, the girls head to the Ken Paves salon for a little metamorphasis, and we can look forward to Mr. Jay saying “we’re going to chop all your hair off.”

Yessss.

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