Gossip Girl: Ivy Week Brings Out The Bitches!

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Seeing as I have to work almost every night of the week and I don’t have cable…or a TV…I don’t get the shear joy of watching Gossip Girl as it airs.

But what I do get is sharing the joy of Gossip Girl after it airs. This week, I’ve decided to pseudo live blog. Because with an episode name like Poison Ivy, you know this sh*t is going to be good!

And if you missed the episode? Consider this your cheat sheet so when your girls ask if you watched tonight at dinner…you’ll be able to join the convo.

What will happen with Dan and Serena? Will he ever forgive her? What will happen with Serena and Blair? Will she ever forgive her? And what, pray tell, happened between Dan’s dad and Serena’s mom??

I’m so excited. And now that I’m settled in my bed with my ice cold can of Budweiser and my YouTubed episode of Gossip Girl, let the drama begin…

Part One

How cute is Dan with all the knicks on his face from shaving? Endearing.

HAHA. The choir is singing Glamorous. AHAHA.

Wait, they’re only Juniors… yesss. This insures at least one more fabulous year of Gossip.

I love Jenny, she just talked like a Latina girl while making fun of Dan’s inability to shave.

I love that vest Serena’s throwing on. Tres cute. Grey knit is big for fall. Oooh and I love the grey suede boots. They look like knee socks, BUT NO! Adorable.

And there’s the zinger of the first eight minutes, ladies. Blair to Serena: “Oh, too bad you missed the assembly. Not that it would have mattered, Brown doesn’t offer a degree in Slut.”

Snap.

Part Two.

I think the three Tylenol and the beer are getting rid of my headache. High school boys are hot.

Why must Blair’s mignons insist on dressing so fugly all the time? She’s the bitch here, shouldn’t SHE tell them?

GIRL FIGHT!!! Girls with sticks… brutal!

Dan is doing so well in his interview… how cute is he! Except he and Nate are vying for the same position.

Ahhaha. I love Chuck. Why should he be an usher? Because he’s Chuck Bass. Of course.

Nate is showing compassion… kind of. And of course, Dan should be pissed, why the fuck didn’t he get the usher spot? Ugh, I hate money. And society. And legacies. But I love Dan. And Budweiser.

I wish my Williamsburg apartment looked like theirs. It’s totally sweet ass.

Oh, Jenny. Life is tough in the ‘Burg isn’t it? I feel ya, babe.

Part 3

Serena’s mom is bailing on the therapy sesh. She’s totes pissed her kids are standing up to her.

I totally want to know what happened between Dan’s dad and Serena’s mom!

And I wonder why the juniors only get to go if they get the usher spot? It’s a mixer, doesn’t that mean people mix for God’s sake? Stupid prep schools.

Oooh. Love Serena’s dress. So cute! And her hairdo. I wish I had thick hair. And a hair stylist. Or at least the money to get my hair cut.

Oh, Serena is a huge bitch! I looove it.

Haha. Chuck is trying to get into the Princeton rep’s pants. He’s so sleezy, loves it!

Part 4

I love Jenny. She and Eric would be so cute together! And she’s wearing the dress Blair gave her… poor thing. But it looks good on her. My friend’s clothes never fit me that well. Then again, we’re not all size two’s either.

Nate just stood up to his dad! About damn time…he’s been acting like a pussy.

Eric is opening up to Jenny. They’re adorable!

Blair always dresses like a damn WASP. That suit outfit is totally unbecoming.

Oh no, I knew Blair would choose the Ostroff Center. I saw it coming. Sh*t, sh*t sh*t. Blair is a bitch.

And now Serena’s totally taken the fall for her brother. She’s such a good sister.

Dan and Serena sharing kind words… is there a chance?

Blake Lively has an awesome décolleté. Can my collar bone look that hot please?

Oooh, getting together and not talking? Maybe that means sucking face. Please, do!

Eric is standing up to Blair! Oooh, she got told and never saw his attempted suicide coming.

Why is Nate ALWAYS sleeping over at Chuck’s? And always on his couch. Chuck lives in a hotel, there are PLENTY OF ROOMS, NATE.

Awww. Jenny went to rehab to see Eric. And brought him a present! So sweet. And adorably outfitted.

Part Five

WHAT is that on Serena’s head? That hat is not cute. It’s totally 70’s. Blair’s booties look cute.

Blair is a bitch because she was abandoned! By her Dad who ran away with a 31 year old MALE MODEL! And then by her best friend! I suppose those are a few good reasons to be such a bitter biatch.

Does Blair really have a heart? Will they ever forgive each other? Will things ever be the same? Sigh.

General consensus? LOVES IT!

‘Till next week!

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