America’s Next Top Model Gets Hairy

What’s more comically traumatic than getting a rash “cut it all off” haircut that makes you look less sexy and fierce and more gender-ambiguous? Getting it against your will on national television, ANTM-style!

That’s right, it’s the episode of reality television that I look forward to most…the makeover episode of America’s Next Top Model!

“Like a butterfly, a true top model must be willing to undergo a total metamorphosis,” reads the TyraMail, sending the girls into a chorus of excited screams and giggles, which of course will soon turn into tears, sneers, and perhaps a nervous breakdown, if Tyra has her way!

Tyra shows the girls what to expect this time, with the help of digital imaging, and off they go!

Sarah gets a short ‘do, which looks super hot on her, and Janet gets to keep her short crop (yay!) too, but goes dark brown. Ambreal and Lisa go short as well—both upgrades in my opinion, but that’s coming from a huge short-hair enthusiast. Things are going too well for everyone…signaling doom.

And doom does arrive, for Bianca, who gets told–surprise! You’re getting all your hair cut off and you’ll be doing photo shoots in wigs!

I gotta say, I usually think hysterics during these episodes are totally unnecessary, but I totally sympathize with her tears (still hate her though!) She keeps her cool though, and looks better without hair than with the wig or with her original hair. And Saleisha basically copies my haircut, though hers, courtesy of Ken Paves, looks a bit better than mine, done with a pair of kitchen scissors over my sink.

The girls arrive to a makeup challenge, where Nigel introduces his wife and breaks my heart (seriously, he is yummy).

The challenge? A dark dramatic eye, and nude glossy lips, which completely overwhelms Victoria. Sarah wins, after going, successfully, for a winged eye, which I’ve never been able to do, so kudos to her.

Next up? The girls transform into flowers and other various plant life for their photo shoots. This shoot is actually a pretty, reasonably realistic one. Heather and Janet are my favorites, and Chantal has a breakdown over conflicted direction from Mister Jay and the photographer. She chats with Victoria, who says high fashion is sometimes “ludicrous,” meaning she’s definitely heading home soon because she doesn’t WANT IT, like Tyra will undoubtedly say.

It goes downhill for her at judging, where the judges tell her she’s got a “prickly” attitude (because she was a cactus for the shoot—get it? Prickly cactus? Ha!) after taking a look at her picture, which looks like a cap-and-gown graduation picture. The judges chat about Sarah, who is losing weight and—gasp!—they don’t like it. Wait, is Sarah plus-size? Normal-girl-size?

The judges come to a decision as to which flower get “pruned” (woo, floral puns!), and in the bottom two are Saleisha and Victoria.

So who makes the cut? The girl with the crap pictures or the snooty personality?

Miss Yale gets ends up getting sent home and honestly, I think I’m more distraught over it than her. I hope I’ll get over it in time for next weeks episode though, which looks like a death trap, with the challenge being “model while being thrown in the air.”

Tune in—I know I will!

Homeless or Hipster: The Game!
Homeless or Hipster: The Game!
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