Say, Mind If I Tell You My Penis Size?

Have you ever wanted to know the exact measurement of your guy’s ‘ween, down to the millimeter?

Have you ever overheard two guys bragging about the size of their junk and wish you could help them settle the dispute once and for all?

Well, now you can do both those things. has just the thing for you and everyone else who just needs to go around measuring penises.

According to it’s designers, the “phallumeasure”, a cylindrical device that reminds me of those beakers I used to pour colored water in during high school science, is “the most accurate way to measure your penis!”

Finally! I was just waiting for the day when I didn’t have to guess, or even worse, lie about my boyfriend’s penis size! I mean, it comes up so often…I was praying that something that could measure something else would be invented! Halleujah! Prayers have been answered!

At $14.95, the “phallumeasure” isn’t expensive, comes with a “final say” guarantee, and claims that it will help stop “cheaters” everywhere, i.e, dudes who find a way to measure their stuff in an inaccurate way.

Guys can lie about their ‘ween size no matter if they measure it or not, but I guess the makers of this little device figure many of them will be so excited at the prospect of shoving their penises into a cylinder, ‘penis size parties’ will spring up everywhere and encourage men to show their real size to anyone willing to look.

Interesting fact: I know a homeless man who already does that.

  • 10614935101348454