America’s Next Top Model: The One Where Tyra Tries to Kill the Models

10 models left and a whole lot of drama to look forward to. That’s right, it’s time for your America’s Next Top Model recap!

And who knew a bunch of girls could make a house look like the aftermath of a week-long frat party? Words are exchanged about “respect” and such, which inevitably means a huge blow-out fight is brewing about who left their cereal bowl in the sink or pubes in the shower.

Looks like the overall theme for this week is “try not to die,” with Tyra serving up one death-defying stunt after another. Is she PMSing? The girls start off this week learning to pose during movement—specifically, jumping on a trampoline and striking a pose, which proves to be difficult and mildly dangerous for some. And as if that wasn’t awkward enough, the second-hand embarrassment continues the next day, with the challenge being to pose in the air. On an ice-skating rink. I’m sorry, but if you’re having trouble jumping on a bouncy trampoline, I’m afraid that ice won’t help matters.

Each girl is assigned an emotion to convey during their in-air pose. Heather barely gets up off the ground, and Ebony‘s “sorrow” pose is described by Seventeen magazine’s editor-in-chief as “corny as a cornfield,” which is corny in and of itself. Lisa wins the challenge, which befuddles all the girls for some reason. They all chat about how they think she’ll be voted off next, and then pick on her when she gets home. Am I missing something? She’s definitely one of my favorites. C’mon girls, catty jealousy is so middle school.

The photoshoot, held on the roof of a very tall building, is one of those annoying “let’s get costumey and cheesy.” Yep, the girls are going to be “fashion gargoyles.” WTF? I’m not really seeing the gargoyle part—it looks like “fashion jazzercise S&M” more than anything, with neon tube dresses, capes, and goth makeup and accessories. I think I may have seen some pleather too. In the form of a high-cut one-piece bodysuit. I get the whole “pretty-ugly” high-fashion thing, but this is just plain ugly.

Tyra actually looks fantastic at judging (for once) in a strapless black dress, and Twiggy is started to look like my mother (hey, my mom’s kinda hot, what can I say?). The judges try to get Ebony to smile, who for some reason always comes to judging looking annoyed and confused at the same time. Lisa is first to get her picture, and Ambreal and Janet (no!) are in the bottom two. In the end, despite my praying and lusting after Janet’s hair, it’s she that has to pack her bags. Looks like I’ll have to pick another favorite to get me through the rest of the season. Perhaps this time I’ll choose based on talent instead of fiercest haircut.

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