At the gym this morning I caught a segment on some talk show about cheating. Basically, the show was about agencies that helped people find out if their mate was cheating on them, and if such spy agencies were even ethical.
One of the panelists on the show was “relationship expert” and author Steve Santagati, a “former model and bad boy” who penned The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate–and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top.
I’ve caught Santagati’s TV appearances before, and each time I see his smug face on camera I can’t help but throw up a little and shake my head at all the women who actually buy anything written by such an obvious egoist.
My distaste aside, Santagati never actually said anything revolting during those appearances, so I had nothing to confirm my gut reaction—until this morning.
When it came time for Mr. “Manual” to weigh in on the cheating issue, Santagati had a whole bunch of things on his “Not Cheating” list.
Flirting with a girl who’s not your girlfriend? Not cheating. Sending flirty text messages to a girl who’s not your girlfriend? Not cheating. Getting the number of a girl who’s not your girlfriend? Not cheating. Walking into a hotel with a girl who’s not your girlfriend with the intent of sleeping with her but not actually doing it because the girl backs out? Not cheating.
After watching video footage of a guy who was married for 15 years walk into a hotel with a spy agency “decoy” (a woman who pretends to want a suspected cheater), Santagati maintained that because the decoy pulled out before intercourse took place, the deadbeat husband was totally not cheating!
The women on the panel obviously went after Santagati, and after a few minutes of trying to defend himself, the “relationship expert” reverted back to the idiot I always knew he was by shouting something very close to “oh please, if I put my hand in your hair you’re coming home with me tonight!”
Santagati’s caveman speak (aka: I could totally make you cheat simply by being my douchebaggy self) hurt his already stupid cheating argument by illustrating the fact that only straight-up assholes think intending to cheat doesn’t count as cheating itself.
“Doing anything you wouldn’t do in front of the person you love” is how one panelist on the show described cheating, and I completely agree with her. Nobody needs a “relationship expert” (or “manwhore”) to define the complexities of the act.
Cheating is simple; those who make it complicated and open-ended are people like Santagati—self-servers who most likely think of doing it themselves.