I was rudely awoken this morning at the ripe hour of 6:45 to the sounds of passionate sex being had above me. This was after falling asleep to the sounds of wild passionate sex being had above me. And right now, as I type this, they are going at it again; this time in the living room above me.
I think I am starting to go crazy!
Not that I haven’t experienced this phenomenon before; I did live with 8 girls in an old house during college. The walls were paper thin and I could hear everything from giggles to bed springs to even the slightest breath. But those were my friends. I had no problem marching up the stairs, gently knocking on the door and reminding said roommate that not everyone needs to know how “good that feels.”
I don’t know the dude who lives upstairs. In fact, until I heard two male voices moaning in the throes of sex last night, I had no idea that he was gay. And it is not like that makes a difference for me at all; I don’t want to hear anyone – gay or straight – screaming “F*$! ME” at 6:45 on a Sunday morning. Nor do I care how either of the parties “likes it” or where their next fornication location is going to be. (Yes, I did hear one boy throw out the idea of “taking this to the shower.”) But my point is that I barely know my upstairs neighbor, making it virtually impossible for me to broach this touchy subject with him.
But I have to do something. Laying in my bed and listening while they share such an intimate (yet vocal) moment makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. Like I am creepily joining in somewhere that I shouldn’t be. Like I am a third wheel in my very own bedroom! Not to mention the fact that I am currently not enjoying such exhilarating sexcapades and should not have to be constantly reminded of what I am missing.
So what can I do?!
Pull a Mr. Heckles and stab the ceiling with a broom? Leave an anonymous note taped to his door asking him politely to be a little quieter in the mornings? Find my own loud/dirty talkin’ bed-mate and give him a taste of his own medicine?
I need my sleep. I need my sanity. Help!