Worst Holiday Gifts Ever

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, or some other holiday that not many people know about, you have undoubtedly received a gift that made you cringe, bite your lip to keep your mouth from saying something rude, or eyes water from the sheer ugliness factor.

While awesome presents are fun to receive, crappy presents are fun to talk about. So here, in no particular order, are three of the stupidest things I have received in recent memory.

* Box of Sparkly Body Spray – When I was 12, I freakin’ loved sparkly things. I would have killed for something like this in my teenybopper phase. However, once I turned, oh, say 22, I had pretty much left my gaudy taste behind. Too bad a long lost relative didn’t get the memo. When I opened this present—a set of three different kinds of pink, sparkly, heavily scented body sprays with Barbie heads as bottle stoppers—I was immediately mortified for everyone in the room. Either this relative was so out of touch with reality she thought Barbie was still something I enjoyed, or she had just totally and obviously re-gifted.

Big, Red, Ugly Sweater – The ugliness factor wasn’t as big of a deal as the idea that the people who gave it to me (people I have known all my life) actually thought I would fit into it. Holding it up in mock happiness, I happened to catch sight of the “size large” on the tag. Size large? A woman’s large? I hadn’t been a large since I was a chubby kid. I wear a size 4!, I wanted to scream, I left those chunky days behind in sixth grade, why are you trying to make me relive them?! Most people could probably shrug off an ill-sized sweater no problem, but most people didn’t get stuck on a water slide when they were 10.

A Bag Of Nuts – I wish there was some kind of double entendre to this gift, but really, one year my grandma presented me with a bag of nuts tied with a ribbon. It was at a big family Christmas party, everyone was confused, and I was forced to eat a handful of chestnuts while my grandma took a picture. She still has that picture. And it haunts me.

Have any Worst Gift Stories of your own? Let us know. We’re dying to commiserate.

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