What Do You Expect, Linds? You Dated a Douche!

Here’s the thing; you should never date a douchebag.

Now, sometimes, you don’t know you’re dating a douche until it’s too late. Maybe he’s awesome in the beginning, opening doors for you and being all polite and totally charming your parents, but then one day he decides to not only sleep with your best friend, but do it in your bed!

Sometimes, that sort of thing is hard to see coming.

Except when your guy looks the part.

See, if you start dating a guy who looks like he should be a total douche, but hasn’t yet shown the signs of real douchyism, chances are his true colors are going to be coming out pretty soon.

Nobody with oily hair, a body shaped by beer, couches, and pot, stupid fashion sense, and a monosyllabic speech pattern is going to turn out awesome in the end. You may think you can change this douche’s ways, get him on the fast track to a job and maybe the treadmill, but believe me—douchiness is almost impossible to stamp out.

Which is why I have no sympathy for Lindsay Lohan and her newest “scandal”. Apparently, her boyfriend for two minutes, Riley Giles (who she met in rehab. Cool!) is shopping around “personal photos” he took of her while they were dating. Obviously, those pics show LaLohan in all stages of “undress”, and are going to seriously tarnish her sweet, virginal image.

Well, okay. Chances are they’ll do nothing but prove what most of us already think, but still, who wants homemade nakey pictures of them sold to cheap tabloids?

Anyway, this whole “ex-boyfriend selling personal pictures for loads of cash” might come as a surprise to Lohan, but not to me. The second my gossip-blog hungry eyes saw the souvenir Lindsay was bringing home from rehab, I was certain of two things: A) this would not last long and B) he was a total douche.

Not only did he look the part, but after reports surfaced over the Thanksgiving holiday that he was out partying and pouting instead of spending time with his super hot, super famous girlfriend, he seemed to be the ultimate embodiment of all things douchetastic. Maybe being Lindsay Lohan’s boyfriend isn’t easy (I actually imagine it would be pretty frightening), but the least the guy could do was be thankful that he was dating a girl fifty times out of his league.

Knowing Lindsay, she’s probably bounced back and right into the waiting arms of another drama-loving dude, but until she learns that “once a douche, always a douche” is just a rule of life, she should keep those naked picture sessions to a minimal.

…or at least install some good lighting.

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