Cougars: a Threat or An Inspiration?

I feel it is time, time to LEARN, time to take notes….whip out your index cards, your recorders, your brilliant memory and LISTEN: Cougars, know shit we don’t.
If you disagree with me, all I’m going to say is…..if you could bag Ashton Kutcher would you??? RIGHT. So don’t argue with me, we all would. Demi could teach us a lesson or two, or eight.
Us twenty somethings DIDN’T “bag” Kutcher, a cougar did, since cougars have tricks we should add to the “bag” in order to…. “bag.” (Insert cheesy joke here, I couldn’t help myself.)
Obviously, we’ll never be able to compete with time, since, that’s science and time is an uncontrollable factor. However, if we are SMART, we’ll take some of the vampy COUGAR tricks in order to ooze absolute sex appeal, without having to wear “Mom jeans” (if you don’t know “Mom jeans”, look at your mothers flat, heart shaped ass and tell me how much that ISN’T cougar material.)
If we are smart, we already have a step up, since hey, we don’t have to worry about age defying wrinkle cream, menopause, gray hairs…and shit (the “and shit” was added for my immature emphasis.)
So what is a “Cougar” anyway, you ask??
A Cougar: A babe beyond 40. Sex drive on HIGH. Heels, on HIGH. Hair, on HIGH, with the assistance of Aqua Net, and BOOBS, up HIGH.
But most importantly…CONFIDENCE at a soaring dangerous level of: HIGH.
Who was the first Cougar? Well, for our generation, maybe “Stiflers mom” on American Pie. She had her eye on the prize, she trusted in her ability to follow through with her “mission” and she BELIEVED and ACTED “AS IF”, she were a goddess. Can you imagine if women our age had that approach?
Lord knows, I wouldn’t be alone tonight.
Men want to date Cougars ( because they’re tired of our RIDICULOUS insecurites. Yes, some of us have stretch marks, some of us have bellies, or big nipples, BUT damnit, do you think a Cougar gives A DAMN about that? NO. She thinks, so what? I’ve seen the world, I’ve dated numerous men, I’ve climbed mountains….I’m incredible.
If Twenty Something women could have that kind of confidence, it wouldn’t matter if we had a mad case of acne and snorted every time we laughed. Confidence can MASK all of your “imperfections” if we present ourselves with the belief that we are, perfection.
As Cougars do.
So what is the appeal you ask? Well, I don’t know….would you rather date a man who whines about his future and his boss all the time, or would you rather date a man who makes you feel like he has it, “all taken care of.” Since, obviously he’s a stud. I’d go with the latter.
Age does have the benefit of securing your belief in SELF. Cougars may not look as hot, but they wear their stories, their history, their years…..and they mold it all into this sexual energy of self assured beauty.
So yeah, would I like to be a Michelle Pheiffer-esque babe? Would I like to take tips from Diane Lane? HELLO? Of course.
The first step: Walking out of the door with a head held high, and confidence that isn’t afraid to slip my phone number across the table to a babe at the bar.
Thank YOU Cougars, for reminding us that we can be babes at any age.

Sex with Gene Simmons?
Sex with Gene Simmons?
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