American Idol Teases My Gag Reflex.

American Idol makes me feel like vomiting.
There, I said it.
How much longer can this go on? I won’t deny that we have found some incredibly talented singers from this show: Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Chris Daughtry, Fantasia Burrino….Clay Aiken?
But, with that said, there are about 5 MILLION incredible artists playing in bars, clubs, coffee houses, etc. within a block of my apartment. Los Angeles, Manhattan, Austin, and po’ dunk towns with karaoke are cranking out talent as you read this.
It isn’t that the people on the show aren’t talented, it’s that the whole formula is absurd, obvious, limiting and now, boring.
There is ONE SLOT for each sterotype:
-One spot for the young, hardly talented, teenage boy who serves as bait for 10-14 year old viewers.
-One spot for the blonde. The blonde spot is to bait country music lovers, and the 20-28 year old men.
-Only about two spots for the seriously talented African American singers (who tend to be the best ones, but they can’t have ALL THE TOP TEN look like Rubin Studdard…though, they easily could and they’d all be amazing.)
-Two spots for the cheesy, cruise ship type singers, one guy and one girl. These are people pleasers, they’ll be on the attractive side and on the lacking side, as far as talent is concerned. These two people serve as bait for the elderly and the housewives.
-One spot for the rocker chick. This spot is an attempt to get the “alternative crowd” tuned in.
-One spot for the rocker man. This spot is bait for the male viewers between 24-35 (the demographic that buys Daughtry.)
-One spot for a babe. Whose voice will make you want to jump out the window. This is a safe bet, since most of us are shallow and pretty people are like candy to television. Sometimes they’ll make an exception and add two “babe spots”, for our demographic who likes to swoon over pretty boys who could sing us to sleep.
-One spot for a great singer chick who’s unattractive. This spot serves no one, since she’ll get cut in the beginning and will barely be remembered, though she’s probably better than most that make it towards the end.
-One young spot. Guy or girl. This spot serves as “the story,” since we get off on watching crying parents in the audience with pictures of their children plastered across their t-shirts.
Do you feel queasy now too??
If the show were truly based on talent, most of those spots wouldn’t exist. It would be less about the story and more about the artist. There would be more REAL musicians, more VOICES and less vanity, more HEART and less packaged performing- stage left, wink to the camera, stage right, smile at the judges. UGH. Gag me.
I’m tired of sitting through performance after performance of botched versions of Frank Sinatra classics and covering my ears every time a Mariah Carey wannabe takes on one of her untouchable tunes.
Please Lord, put me out of my misery.
Do you think Bob Dylan or Elton John would have ever made it on American Idol? Sadly, I think not….and there are so many artists out there who deserve that opportunity.Is anyone else on the same page? Or do you enjoy this candy-coated crap?

Bathroom Neurosis: Not Wanting to be THAT GIRL
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