Tuffy Love Says Come Outta Your Hiding Place, Girl!

Dear Tuffy,

So lets see if you can answer this one. I’m pretty much a smart girl, so i know what my problem is. The only thing is i am not quite sure if i can ever get rid of it.

I am 22 years old and I have no escape in college. I have decent grades and all…but I think thats it. I have no real friends, so I find myself utterly alone. I’m introverted so theres no chance to just act out in public. Activities by myself are just not appealing (eg.hobbies). Guys are also lost cause, I cannot seem to find one & when I do find one to be friends with, all they want is to get with me.

I find myself accepting this but im not sure i want to. How would i change this? It hurts to be alone.

~Andrea

Dear Andrea,

Girl, I’m gonna be straight with you: That sucks.

Like you said, you already know what the problem is. So, look, that’s a definite step closer.

Let’s deal with this one part at a time, okay?

First we’ve got the trouble making friends. I know you’re introverted, but are there any clubs at school you could join? I mean, not like, something random that you’re going to hate but something you’re really into, a hobby that you say wouldn’t be fun alone (but that would be totally fun with a group of fellow interesteds).

Did you have more friends growing up? Try to ask yourself what’s keeping you from making friends. If it’s just because you’re shy, you might have to suck it up and…well…not be. I know it’s hard to change the kind of things that come to you naturally (introversion, for poignant instance), but if it’s making you unhappy, then it’s something you should work on.

Happiness, in Tuffy’s not-so-humble opinion, is ridiculously hard to obtain. There are a whole buttload of obstacles standing in the way: personal history, self esteem, current situation, etc. etc. etc. But work hard towards (1) understanding what would make you happy and then (2) charting out how you can achieve the things that would make you happy–well, it’s annoying to hear, but they really might help you get there.

Secondly, guys. Oh, guys. Guys guys guys.

Well, guys are always gonna wanna get with you. I’m sorry. It’s unfortunately true.

But look on the bright side–they wanna get with you! You’re attractive, honey. You just have to wait for the right guy to come along. This is a long and painful process, but the right guy will wanna get with you too–but only after he gets to know and love you. And that will happen.

But you have to meet guys if you want to find one. Again, Tuffy sez join a club. Or a group. Or go to some parties (although it may be hard to meet the right kind of guys if they’re keggers).

For both friends and guys, Tuffy has a suggestion for you: make it a goal to speak out more in class and to talk to one fellow student (that you either don’t know or don’t know well) every single day. Before you know it, you’ll have a group of people that (1) you can talk to in class (once you’ve broken the ice, they’ve become casual acquaintances you can talk to much more easily) and (2) may invite you to things where you can both get to know them better and also get to meet even more people. Try it, okay? I think it’ll really help.

Good luck, Andrea! You can totally conquer this. And today is the best day to start.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

(To ask Tuffy Luv a question, shoot her an email at tuffy@collegecandy.com! Because Tuffy sucks at double-checking comments.)

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