From Hookups to Relationships: Which Is Easier?

As embarrassing as this is, I must admit, that during my four years in college I, like most college students, had my fair share of random hookups.

Of course, as this was college, these hookups were mostly–well actually–completely fueled by extreme levels of intoxication and in some cases by peer pressure, with my girls telling me, “Oh you should totally hookup with him, he’s so hot.”

It’s not that I didn’t date in college, I did. It was just that the guys who wanted to date me were well, boring. I went out on fancy dates with guys, many of whom I eventually became good pals with, that were not guys I could see myself with long term (and for me, at the time, long term meant at least three months) and more importantly, were not guys I could see myself having sex with long term.

Besides, the allure of a hookup was too much for me to resist. I loved how I could go out with friends, have a few (more like 5) drinks and meet some cutie. I loved how one minute I could be downing cranberry vodkas with my friends in some packed bar singing “Don’t Stop Believing” and the next I could be locking lips on my couch with a hottie who I eyed from across the room. It was just, in one word, thrilling.

Fast forward to life post graduation, I could have sworn that my days of hooking up were good and over. Well, until New Year’s Eve happened. Too much champagne plus a steamy New Year’s Eve kiss (ok, makeout session) with my friend’s boyfriend’s friend equaled my first post-collegiate walk of shame. As it was New Year’s Day, talk about not the best way to start 2008, I started thinking about resolutions and how mine should be to actually find a guy to date.

As luck should have it, a few weeks earlier, I met a nice, tall, dark and handsome hottie who is also a recent college grad, lives a few blocks from me (this is rare in New York, especially in Manhattan) and is (rarer of all) a good dancer.

Prior to the New Year we’d gone on our first date, to a cute little café near us and had brunch. The conversation flowed well and all in all, it was a successful first meeting. On New Year’s Eve, he called and we agreed to meet up for coffee the next day, as in New Year’s Day AKA the day of my first post-collegiate walk of shame.

Besides for the fact that we were both obviously really hung over, our coffee date seemed to go just as well as our first date, until he mentioned he recently got out of a long-term relationship. He didn’t dwell on this fact or say anything bad about his ex, but it still kind of unnerved me. Yet, at that moment, the thought of dating him, even if he did just get out of something semi-serious, was a whole lot more appealing than ever repeating the drunken hookup scenario from the night before and the resulting still-super-drunk walk of shame from earlier that morning.

We continued seeing each other and everything seemed to be progressing smoothly. Sure, every so often he would mention the ex, but he never went overboard (no ex bashing or sharing of intimate details of their relationship) and it was never anything I couldn’t handle.

In fact, everything seemed to be progressing so nicely that before I knew it we were having sex for the first time.

It was then that he turned into complete emotional mush. After doing the deed, he started talking about how it was the first time he’s had sex since the break-up, how us having sex really confirms that he’s single and how she was the one who cheated on him. This was definitely not what I wanted to here post-orgasm.

I snuggled up to him to tried and get him to shut up and bask in the post-sex haze, but within 15 minutes he got up, said he had a lot on his mind and left.

Well, to be fair he didn’t just up and leave, or as Liz Phair put it, “F&*ck and Run.” We talked and he said he was interested in a relationship, I told him he should move things forward when he’s ready and he kissed me, promised to call and then left.

He seemed really genuine about the whole thing and he has been in touch since then, but I can’t help thinking how I’d almost rather go back to the random hookups. The whole incident, has in a way, really made me miss having uncomplicated sex with guys who never have diarrhea of the mouth about another girl and at least stay with you all night, even if it is just to insure they’ll have another shot at hooking up with you again.

Though most of all, strangely enough, our sexual debacle has really made miss my carefree college days of downing one too many cranberry vodkas with my girls.

Craigslist is Full of F&%cking Weird People: the Spelling-Impaired Stalker
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