As I entered Borders on my lunch break last week, I did the usual browsing of new paperbacks near the front of the store. While I picked up and put down a couple chicklits and NY Times Best Sellers, I laid eyes on what would soon keep me from committing some serious dating faux-pas: Why Hasn’t He Called? How Guys Really Think & How to Get the Right One Interested in You.
I thought to myself, Hm, I’ve definitely asked myself that question.
So I paused, looked to my left, and looked to my right to make sure no one saw me taking interest in this self-help book (as if the bright pink cover wouldn’t be reason enough to stare at me) and picked that bad boy up to get a closer look.
How Guys Really Think & How to Get the Right One Interested in You.
I was intrigued. Thus begun the flipping of pages and the “Oh my god, that is so right on” moments. I was enlightened by the different types of guys out there us ladies may come across while on the prowl: The Player, The Iceberg and the Non-Player.
The Player. Need I say more? This guy’s only intention is to find a way to sleep with you. During your date, which apparently is likely to take place during the week at a not-so-special location, that will be his sole motive. We don’t want this guy.
The Iceberg. He is a keeper. He will most likely take you out on a Saturday and will go to great lengths in preparation, however, he will not let you know this. Unlike, the player, he does not intend to sleep with you that night. He is truly looking for a cool girl to spend time with. The only thing that may throw you for a loop is that he comes off a bit buttoned up because he’s not someone to share his personal thoughts with you yet. That will take time with this one. Hence why he’s called the Iceberg; he slowly comes out of his shell. So we must be patient here.
The Non-player. Another keeper. This dude goes above and beyond to impress you with his charm and humor. You’ll actually get the impression that he’s trying to sleep with you. But he’s not. He is genuinely outgoing and adorable and wants to show you he’s the best guy you’ve ever met. Don’t be too skeptical here.
Cue the moment when a man walks up to me and claims that he wrote this book. Obviously, I was like, “Yea right, dude. And I wrote the Kite Runner.” But to my disbelief, he pulls a card from his wallet, which in fact proved he was Matt Titus, co-author. I was shocked. (And no, I am not making this up). He asked what I thought of his pages of advice. And before walking away he casually stated, “It’s all true.”
Obvioulsy I kept reading. At this point how could I not? It was a sign from god that I needed to. I mean, one of the AUTHORS just talked to me.
I flipped to “The Secrets of the Boys Club,” what guys really want and think.
He Likes it When You Are Your Own Woman. Dependency is not sexy. There’s no need to rub it in his face, but make sure that he knows that you would be perfectly fine without him. Show, don’t tell him– display your confidence and individuality even after the two of you get into a relationship.
He Loves It When You Are Confident. Insecurity is a huge turn-off. The hottest women are the ones who look good and know it.
He Hates It When You Call Him. When you first start dating a guy, take your mother’s old-fashioned advice and don’t call him. If he is thinking about you, he’ll call you, and if you beat him to the punch you’ll ruin the thrill of the chase.
To Make Him Stick Around, Make Him Wait. If you give it all away on the first date, he’ll lose interest. As tempting as it may be, move slowly when it comes to physical stuff. Need a clearer rule? Don’t sleep with him until three months into the relationship.
He Secretly Loves It When You Are Unavailable. If he asks you out, tell him that you’re busy that night (whenever it is) and suggest another night, unless he calls you more than three days in advance. If you make him understand that you have a life straight off the bat, you’ll be less likely to come across as that over-eager, super-available, desperate girl.
If He Gets Intimidated, Move On. You need someone in your life who understands that you are a sexy, brilliant, beautiful woman who is going places in this world. If he ever makes you feel like less than that because of his own insecurities, dump him. Compromise your integrity once, and you’re setting yourself up for a world of heartbreak down the line.
And finally, the biggest bit of advice I could’ve ever asked for. Do not try to define the relationship!!
“It makes you look desperate. Men love a challenge and despite what they say, think, or how they act, they don’t want you to define the relationship. Let him take the lead now or he never will.”
Thank you Matt Titus. Now go pick up a copy or do what I did and read it all in the bookstore.