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Republican Delegate Outlaws Your Areolas

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Okay, let’s get one thing straight. When people go to strip clubs and titty bars, they go there for the nakedness. Not the costumes, not the lighting, not the soundtrack (I mean, who hasn’t heard their fill of Pour Some Sugar On Me?), the nakedness.

Strip clubs are for seeing more than you could see strolling across a beach. Experiencing porn-like situations. Living out fantasies. Wasting hundreds of dollars. These are the sorts of experiences strip clubs provide. It’s common sense.

Except to idiots. Like Delegate John A. Cosgrove, a Chesapeake, Virginia, Republican. Cosgrove recently sponsored a bill that fights back against an August ruling that a Virginia law “prohibiting lewd conduct at establishments with liquor licenses was unconstitutional and too broad”.

Basically, ol’ John will most probably (provided the governor signs the bill) get the dancers at places like J.B.’s Gallery of Girls and Headlights (um, hilarious name by the way, guys) to put tiny pieces of fabric over their nipples come July 1st, 2008. Because areolas are obviously wicked lewd.

Why the hell would anyone waste time trying to get strippers to cover a tiny portion of their boob with cloth? Does this delegate have nothing better to go? Go after porn on the Internet, dude. Go after teen pregnancy. Don’t go after strippers. Because everyone knows STRIPPERS are SUPPOSED TO BE NAKED.

Ugh. My head hurts. From the STUPIDNESS.

…Someday I’m going to ask someone to explain to me why a bare breast is okay, but a bare nipple is not.

Can’t wait for their explanation.

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