Stained Glass Morals: When Nice Guys Aren’t So Nice, Part 2

Remember Mr. Deceptive, the nice guy who turned out not to be so nice after all? Part 1 talked about what a supercilious jerk he was to other people, but this time we’re going to see how his better-than-thou attitude affected our relationship, too.

An old friend of ours (but a relatively new friend of mine), set the two of us up when I said I wanted to date a guy who was genuinely nice. On our first date, our conversation covered a lot of ground, and I made sure to mention that I am agnostic — a fact that I’ve found is often a deal-breaker in new relationships. I wanted to get it out into the open as soon as possible.

To my delight, Mr. Deceptive told me that he also was nonreligious, having become quite disillusioned with religion. I later learned that he had an obsessively religious mother and a family environment where, even at 24, he wasn’t allowed freedoms such as staying out past midnight or having a bank account without his parents’ names on it.

Sounds kind of creepy, doesn’t it? Maybe the fact that he blamed his mom for his break from religion, yet didn’t have the guts to refuse to get up at 5:30 every morning (!) and pray with the family, should have clued me in.

The next clue that I didn’t get was an email he forwarded to me from our mutual friend. She had said something rather offensive about me in it, and he wanted to show me. Yet from the context of her email, I could tell that it was simply a response to a complaint — even perhaps a long-standing discussion — that he’d voiced about me! And even worse, it sounded like he had been complaining about my lack of religious beliefs — after he had told me he wasn’t religious, either!

Sure enough, after we broke up suddenly everything was MY fault. Here was a dude who had made himself out to be such a nice guy, suddenly saying that next time he’d have to ask about morals sooner! I’d had enough of the BS, so I sent a not-so-nice email to that not-so-nice guy, stating — in no uncertain terms — that I had been quite clear about where I stood, and if he had problems owning up to his religious convictions, that was HIS problem, not mine.

And that was the last time I heard from Mr. Deceptive.

The moral of the story: Be wary of any guy who sells himself as a “nice guy” — only believe it when you’ve seen it with your own eyes!

In Grad School? You’re Headed for Divorce
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