CAN You F**K Someone Up With Your Stretch Marks? FOL 3 Recap: Episode 7

Remember last time? Yeah, I try to forget about it, too.

Flav starts the day by telling the girls that he wants them to star in a FOL 3 calendar. Oh, no.

Buckwild and Saaphyri enter – Flav brought them in because they are entrepreneurs. Buckwild, who, in her words, “dresses like a slot machine” has a clothing line coming out, Saaphyri is coming out with lip chap.

The girls will assist with the calendar and help him figure out who should go home. What that has to do with dressing like a ‘slot’ (heh) or making lip chap is beyond me.

The best picture gets the date. Flav wants to have a sexy calendar that’ll put Playboy out of business. Is Shy giving them posing pointers? Because she watches Tyra?

Seezinz calls a meeting so that everyone can get a solo shot. Hotlanta wants the August bikini shot. Prancer’s going to be the Easter bunny? And she’s doing July? NO, you can’t do every single month.

No one thinks that Shy is hot – neither do I. That would be because Shy reminds me of Eddie Murphy.

[For the record: there are no words to describe the monstrosity of the posing]

Buckwild and Saaphyri arrive on the set and Buckwild says that the girls need to show more skin. Saaphyri says that there needs to be more booty shots. Prancer looks ridiculous dressed as a bunny.

Prancer says to Shy, “Look at your stretch marks.”

Push her in pool, Shy! “I will f*ck you up with these stretch marks” say it!! Say it for me so that one day I may say it, too!

The Things are in the kitchen for November, bent over a roast or something. Is the photographer dying?

Prancer is totally getting in on all of the shots. But she’s not really hot.

Seezinz is starting to sabotage a la Prancer. This is so ridiculous.

Prancer’s shooting February with Seezinz and the house is going to explode again. Flav is there? When did he show up?

And I still feel awful for this photog because he has to shoot three versions of February because the girls think that it’s the most romantic month and eeeeewwwww, the Things are getting way, way, way too close. I don’t care if two girls get together, but when you share DNA, keep those lips AWAY from each other.

Shy is spanking Sinceer which is funny and disturbing but she’s so pissed – I’m surprised that you’re not ripping off her arm.

And this photog should walk out. I can’t even type anything right now, I can hear anything except yelling, bleeping, more yelling, bleeping and the photog awesomely pours himself a drink and says, “That’s a wrap.”

Big Rick calls down the ladies to review the photos with the photog, Buckwild and Saaphyri. Shy, you didn’t win. Go to the dentist.

Prancer looks okay for March but stupid in April. Where did that atrocious bunny costume come from?

There were all sorts of nasty February shots. The Twinz looked bad. Sinceer and Shy look like “amateur night in the strip club.”

Prancer and Seezinz had the ‘best’ February shot, so they win the date with Flav. But did you win anything really?

There’s a fight going on again but I don’t hear it because a Thing is picking her teeth with a fake nail and I can’t get the image out of my head.

Post-challege, Hotalanta said that her best customers in the strip club never saw her naked. Okay.

Shy is going to the dentist the day of eliminations. Prancer thinks that Shy doesn’t brush her teeth. Get out. I’m sick.

Who are all of these girls calling on the house phone? Do they realize that everyone hears everything? The hunrgrier Thing overhears Hotlanta talking about getting cash out of a guy. I love with people run with nearly no information.

So next day, Prancer and Seezinz need to put on leotards for their date. Does Prancer have those shoes that are also skates? Are you 12?

As soon as they get in the limo Seezinz kisses Flav. Do I want to watch the rest of this date? They are going to do some acrobatics. I’m not going to pay attention to this.

Shy’s at the dentist while they are on the date…THIS I’m interested in. X-rays reveal that she eats a lot of sugar and her teeth won’t last through her late 30s. The dentist tells her what a five year old knows – that she needs to brush and floss twice a day. He also says that a deep cleaning is necessary, some teeth need fillings, she needs a root canal – is VH1 paying for this? She needs THOUSANDS of dollars of work in her mouth and she leaves because she can’t afford it. So VH1 is not funding that. Did you get your teeth cleaned at least, nasty? Go buy a tooth brush.

Back at the house and Shy tells Flav about the dentist with a mint chain around her neck. She’s willing to do anything for Flav. Like brush your teeth?

The Things tell Flav that they overheard Hotlanta talking about her baby daddy and getting money out of him. And she’s got that name tattooed on her neck? What are the Things hiding?

Flav questions Hotlanta and we learn that Jerry is her youngest son’s dad – they broke up in August – was that a month before the taping started?

They are wearing PJs for eliminations. What is it, school spirit week? Is tomorrow crazy hat day?

So Buckwild and Saaphyri tell Flav what they think about the girls. According to them, Hotalanta or Shy needs to go.

Surpringly, Flav likes the PJs. The last two standing are Shy and Hotlanta. I bet Shy and her stank mouth are going home. Annnnndddddd…

I love that Shy’s mouth is inhabited by Cavity Creeps and that’s what’s sending her home.

Her real name is MONALISA. OMG, that’s so amazing, I don’t even know what to say about it.

Buckwild and Saaphyri bust in before the toast because Saaphyri’s bringing in a bunch of girls – why? Because this bunch isn’t hot? Four girls come in and enter the game. Oh, geez, I didn’t need this to go on longer.

Next time: The original season three girls ban together against the new ones.

  • 10614935101348454