The Passover Diet: Day 2

And oh, what a Day 2 it was.

Well, first of all, last night I went to my parents’ house for a Seder. We went through our Maxwell House Haggadahs like I go through a fresh, steaming cup of Maxwell House coffee.

…Anyway.

I asked my father what the correct pronunciation of “Haggadah” was, because a friend of mine says it “ha-GAH-dah” whereas I have always heard it as “huh-GUH-duh.” I was told that the first way is Hebrew, the second is Yiddish. Go fig. My fam-o is full of the Yiddish. The Hebrew, not so much.

Okay, this no bread thing is making me punchy. Let’s move on to today:

I wake up in my childhood bedroom thinking about French toast. Vey. Instead, I have half a piece of matzoh with butter (which, can I just say, spreads on matzoh really crappily. But that’s cool, whatever). I washed it down with one of those little Starbucks Frap things that comes in little bottles and has 3 grams of fat [which I know because I look at that kind of thing].

Still hungry, I held out till lunch, which was…matzoh brei. Now, matzoh brei is delicious (and it seriously is), but how much matzoh can I take?! Can we please acknowledge that our ancestors took it with them because they didn’t have time for bread to rise, not because it’s a tasty snack?? GIVE ME BREAD NOW.

For dinner I ate lox…sans bagel. And mushrooms. And Pirate Booty. Because it’s like, what can I eat? So I just eat a lot, trying to fill the void my yeasty love left. So I’m definitely not losing weight. Passover Diet, you suck.

But it’s not really that bad. I mean, after all, it’s only Day 2.

Kill me now.

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