Dear American Apparel Cotton Spandex Jersey Strapless Ruched Dress –
From the first time that I saw you, I knew I had to have you. It was a cold afternoon in winter when my roommate came in from a shopping trip downtown and announced that she had found a new favorite dress. She went into her bedroom, and emerged shortly thereafter wearing beautiful, classic you. I remember how lovely you looked, so artfully simple with your long cylindrical shape and your sexy little ruched detailing, drawing attention to the tatas. I remember us discussing your versatility, how you so easily went from below the knee to just under the ladyparts with just a bit of bunching. I remember admiring the way you wrapped yourself around my roommate’s body so tightly in your spandexy embrace. It was amour at first sight.
Months went by, but I still didn’t make my move. Then, last weekend, the weather became warm and balmy and my roommates and I decided to have some friends over for a barbecue. Instantly I had a vision of you and I, lounging together in the sun, enjoying a margarita. I knew it was time.
The day of the barbecue, I went on a mission to find you. You turned up on 3rd Avenue, hiding shyly in the back corner on the wall. With trembling hands, I reached up and plucked you from the rail. I marveled at your simplicity, your lightness. Together, we entered the dressing room, and after a brief congress, proceeded to the checkout line.
Since that day, we’ve been inseparable. Every morning, as soon as I wake up, I just want to put you on. You’re so easy to wear and comfortable, and yet, so outrageously sexy. Every time we go out together, strangers on the street stop to tell us how good we look. And no matter what I pair you with – heels, a belt, sneakers, a pearl necklace, silver fringe earrings, a hoodie – you always roll with it. Glorious isn’t a strong enough word to describe your perfection.
American Apparel Cotton Spandex Jersey Strapless Ruched Dress, I just wanted to tell you you’re unlike any other dress I’ve ever had, and you’re worth every penny of the $36 plus tax I spent on you. I will eat salads every day for the rest of my life and hand-wash you in cold water because I want to be with you forever and ever until the end of time.
With love from the bottom of my heart,
P.S. Ladies, buy this frickin’ dress.