You know how it is; you’re in the gym and, even though you’ve forgotten your iPod, the radio station that’s playing has a pretty good range of songs and you have a good beat going. Or maybe you’re in the car, driving along and blasting the stereo as high as it can go. Or maybe you’re not even moving. Maybe you’re just chilling in your room. But, inevitably, that one song some comes on.
You know precisely what I mean. THAT song. That song that you just can’t stand. That song that makes you want to storm out the room or change the station or maybe even kick the stereo system. It’s like nails on a chalkboard, and all you want is for it to end. Yet, you know all the words, even though you hate admitting that to yourself. Somewhere in the deep recesses of your brain – and you would never admit this to anybody – you want to sing along.
Everyone has their own flame list. This is mine.
10. Warrant – “Cherry Pie“: Why is a song about pedophilia and incest so popular? Why is it a classic? Why is the video so creepy? Why am I so awesome at this song on Guitar Hero? Questions that may never be answered.
9. Timbaland (feat. One Republic) – “Apologize“: This title is misleading, because the word “apologize” never once comes into the song. “Pologize” does come into the chorus pretty often. I think it may be a synonym for self-pollinating your garden.
8. Gwen Stefani – “Hollaback Girl“: If I ever forget how to spell “banana”, Gwen Stefani is there to remind me. Where were you during the 2nd grade spelling bee, Gwen? Where?!
7. Sara Bareilles – “Love Song“: This song is on here on behalf of a friend of mine, who seems to hate it whenever I sing it to her. Maybe it makes her uncomfortable. Or maybe it’s the fact that I can’t really claim that I’m not writing a love song about someone in a love song about someone. Paradox, much.
6. Rihanna – “Umbrella“: No one should ever be able to rhyme “forever” with “umbrella”. No one.
5. The Rembrandts – “I’ll Be There For You“: I think the reason I never got into Friends was because I could never get beyond the opening theme. I’d like for this song to not be there for me, actually. Maybe if Friends just opened without a song, I could’ve handled it. And why does this even still play on radio stations? I mean, I know it’s an icon of the 90’s, but you guys, there are better options. Pearl Jam opening theme, anyone?
4. Black Eyed Peas – “My Humps“: I do NOT want to mix anyone’s milk with anyone’s cocoa puffs! What is wrong with this song? Why do the Black Eyed Peas seem incapable of making decent songs? They’re either really good or really bad. This one is really, really bad. Alanis Morrisette totally agrees.
3. Shakira – “Hips Don’t Lie“: You know, I know some people who come from Columbia that can’t dance. I’m sure they’d be a little offended by this song…if they listened to Shakira at all. And I’m pretty certain that speaking school-learned Spanish phrases to a Hispanic girl is just a bad, bad idea. But at least it’s good fodder for covers and parodies that have hips that do not in any way fabricate, or even so much as stretch the truth.
2. 50 Cent – “In Da Club“: Tenth grade. Ow. Moving on…
1. Finger Eleven – “Paralyzer“: I’m not paralyzed. I just seem to be obsessed with this song. I cringe whenever it comes on, and then I turn it up. We have a very abusive relationship.
Now, I’m not saying that you guys have to agree with me. I’m sure you have your own songs that you can’t stand. Share. We want to commiserate with you. And if one of your favorite songs is on here, I’m sorry.