Top 5 Things I Hate About Facebook

I mean, I love Facebook. Seriously. Facebook allows me to keep in touch with old friends. It tells me when people I know marginally add pictures of their nights out. It lets me see who all my exboyfriends are dating.
Which brings me to #1:
1) It lets me see who all my exboyfriends are dating.
I really, really don’t want to know.
Which probably means I should delete them as friends, or at least use that spiffy little thing that lets you control who you don’t want to see on your newsfeed. But I, quite frankly, do not posess the willpower.
Oh well. The more you know. And crap.
2) Lil Green Patch.
Lil freakin’ Green Patch!
Everytime I log on to Facebook, some douche I haven’t talked to since high school has sent me a request. What the hell is it? Just another annoying application, but one that finds itself to be very cute. I am tempted to unfriend these people, but sadly I am more lazy than vindictive.
3) Zombies, Vampires, whatever crappy and annoying thing of yours is attacking whatever crappy and annoying thing of mine.
What’s with the macabre attacks, huh?! LISTEN TO ME: I DO NOT WISH TO BE THE UNDEAD. Especially not on a social networking site.
The only bloodsucking creature I want to attack lives in Brooklyn and smokes Cloves. Have your Hipster attack my Emo Kid and then we’ll talk.
4) Being added by DJs and Club Promoters.
Okay. Fine. I admit it. I promoted for a club, BRIEFLY, and therefore opened myself up to this.
But I gotta tell you, I don’t want to be your friend. I don’t want to go to your event. And I really, really don’t want to get your messages three times a week about how great it (and you) are. And I think about sending these guys a message that says so, but it’s just Facebook and it never quite seems worth it.
(5) Wall Posts From People You Don’t Like.
Especially girlfriends or boyfriends of your friends.
Because Facebook etiquette demands you respond to all wall posts.
Also because then it shows up on everyone else’s newsfeed and they think you actually like this person you can’t stand.
I mean, I like to maintain open communication. Unless I don’t like you. And then I want to maintain nothing.
But it’s such a jerk thing to do to defriend. So instead I respond politely and take a shower to wash off the lies.
Well. Having read over this post, I have come to realize that it’s my own irritating laziness that’s driving me crazy, not Facebook itself.
So, go fig. FB and I are back together. Love ya, F-Bo!