While biking up an extraordinarily large and difficult hill in Spin class this morning (made even more difficult by the night of binge drinking that preceded it), I was startled out of my zone by a rather raucous shout of, “COME ON, BABY!” I wasn’t sure who was screaming, or who baby was, but I didn’t care; I lost my groove. I started feeling the pain in my legs, the burning in my quads, and my whole ride was off. But I kept going. And so did she.
“WOO”“LET’S DO THIS!”“PEDAL. DO IT DO IT DO IT.” It was quite clear that this loud and rather burly woman was screaming at herself – pushing herself – but, why? Was there something wrong with internal dialogue?? With all the adrenaline pumping through my body, I wanted to pull a Christopher Carter and knock that bitch off her bike.
The thing is, there are rules, damn it. Sure, they may not be written down in some giant book of Health Club Etiquette, but they are there and everyone should follow them. The New York Times recently asked people at gyms around NYC about their thoughts on the topic. Many of the responses mimic my own. And I am going to list them here. Not because I want to bitch (even though it is something I really am very good at), but because I know how much these things piss me off and I want to protect you, the CollegeCandy reader, from getting into a Cardio Throw Down.
- Loud Noises: Working out is a personal quest to enhance one’s health and body. No one else in the surrounding area really needs to hear how hard you are working, man. Do not grunt, do not talk to yourself and, for the love of God, do not sing aloud to the Rocky Theme blasting from your iPod.
- Saving Machines: So, you want to get on the last available elliptical… after you flirt with the cute trainer and do a lap around the gym in your hot new Lululemons. Why not just toss a towel on there and hold it for later? It is not like anyone else is coming to the gym to work out on that machine; they will just wait for you to finish your business.
- Cell Phones: Not only is chatting on the phone proof that you aren’t working hard enough, but I do not need to know how big of a bitch your friend is because she made out with that guy that you liked 3 years ago.
- The Wipe Down: I find nothing more vomit-inducing than watching someone run 7 miles on the treadmill, get totally drippy-sweaty and simply walk away from the machine without cleaning it. Gag.
- Spot Savers: I get it. You, like me, prefer to workout in the back corner of Boot Camp in hopes that the instructor won’t see you taking cigarette breaks when things get rough. And maybe that has been your spot for the past 6 months, but I am there now, so stop giving me the mean looks and find another spot.
Stay in line as you hit the gym to get ready for the beach, ladies; you never know when someone is gonna snap and send you flying off your treadmill.
Photo courtesy of Broadmoor.com