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Living Lohan Ep 3: Mean Girls Part Deux?

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In this episode, Ali finally experiences the price she’ll pay for being “just” like her sister. Dressed like a Firewoman stripper, Ali goes to a block party in LoLand and is severely creamed. Shaving creamed — minds out of the gutter! Dina gets a call from the school guidance counselor telling her some serious harassing went down at escuela, they agree it’s best for Ali to stay home for a few days.

First of all Ali, if you are serious about becoming your sister, I have some advice:

Lindsay would not have taken that shiz! One false move and that’s a Grey Groose martini down the front of your Betsey Johnson.

Ali asks Dina if she can be home-schooled, but Dina’s only advice is that she’d love to see Ali on stage…at graduation. Dina goes to other members of the LoClan for help. Nana (yes!) suggests that Ali needs to stand up to these mean girls. Michael Lohan Jr. (I didn’t know he existed?) adds that every girl has to cope with a few megabitches throughout life, but it’s just part of growing up.

Dina ignores both of them and continues to baby Ali and give her special attention, like in dance class. Dina found IMPACT online and thinks it’s great. Ali thinks IMPACT is “STUPID”. I can’t tell if this is just a typical weird mom idea, or an attempt to showcase Ali’s multi-cultural appreciation. And then Dina gets down while Ali watches embarrassedly. I love her more and more every episode.

Anyways, Ali is being targeted because she is a) very pretty and b) the daughter of Dina Lohan…and the sister of Lindsay, I guess. These reasons are fodder for any 14-year-old girls who are jealousy prone (um, all of them.) Alexis adds that Ali is already ten times better than these girls.

Ali decides to be the bigger person and ignore their petty viciousness. Having friends isn’t Ali’s priority. Her family is her best friend. Well, yeah mine would be too if my little brother was that badass and my mom was that fabulously cougar-like.

Everyone finally comes to the conclusion that Ali is awesome. She’s special–even called “gifted” by her vocal coach, Eileen (a hand-me-down from Lindsay). And when she sings Eileen’s touching poetry about her deceased daughter, Ali does sound halfway decent.

To test Ali’s newfound confidence, Dina arranges an interview with Access Hollywood. She informs Ali that some of the reporter’s questions won’t be easy to answer and drills her with practice questions. Cody adorably attempts help by asking a “hard” question–who her fave brother is.

When Access Hollywood‘s interviewer comes, Dina beams proudly as Ali handles herself gracefully throughout the interview (minus the nervous ticks and speed talking.) The whole family is warm and fuzzy after Ali has learned this important life lesson and Dina has nailed another publicity opportunity. She really is the original Mom-ager.

Next week: Ali wants a dog– but what she gets is a cat fight. Dina/Ali Smackdown!

The prodigal Lohan comes home with girlfriend in tow, drama ensues. Sadly it isn’t Lindsay with Samantha…

[photo of little Lo from http://www.flixster.com]

COLLEGECANDY Writer