Tuffy Luv Doesn’t Believe This Guy’s Lies

Dear Tuffy Luv,
Hey tuffy! I send this to Ryan, but i’m not sure on what’s his status whether he still gives advice or not, so just to be sure since this is driving me nuts i’ll send it to you!
Here’s my prob!
There’s this guy i initially met during training at work who instantly I knew was attracted to me by the little things he did (constantly looking, his friends trying to bring up his name in a conversation/leaving us when we’re together..blah blah blah). After a month or so, the feelings became mutual and our occasional waves when we saw each other turned into him walking me to my car after work, us exchanging numbers (which resulted into convos that lasted in the the early AM), sitting together at breaks, and texting non-stop as well as him telling me personal things about himself.
It’s to the point where everyone think’s we’re together. I kept wondering why he hadn’t asked me out yet, and then finally had to ask the question if he had a girlfriend. With my luck, the answer was ‘Yes’. I found it incredibly odd because he would never mention her, even after he gave me my answer it was almost like she was invisible. Instantly I said to myself I would only keep our conversations at a friendly level, thinking it would get easier since I switched shifts and would not see him as often. I even went as far to tell him that I would not be calling him because I found it disrespectful to call another woman’s boyfriend.
Regardless of me standing my ground, he still calls. One night while we were on the phone, he hesitated to mention that he doesn’t have much trust in her, and also that she has not one, but 2 kids, (NONE ARE HIS! lol) and that she’s only 19. He told me that their relationship started out as friends and that if it were to end he would never date another woman with kids (him only being 20). He then told me that the only thing he worries about is that if he ever leaves, that another guy will step in and mistreat them. My question is, what is wrong with this guy!?
Is he trying to lead me on? I try not to invest too much feelings into him, and keep a certain amount of distance, but he’ll end up texting me each day, or calling me in the night which makes it hard. I dont know if i’m foolish to think he has feelings for me, but if he does why is he still with this girl he’s only been seeing for 3 months??
Sincerely, Lost!
Dear Lost,
The problem with this guy is that he’s flipping lying to you!
I mean, listen to your instincts here. Why IS he still with this girl he’s only been seeing for three months? It seems to ol’ Tuffs there are two possibilities:
(1) He’s the father of at least one of these kids. I mean, why is he so concerned someone will mistreat them? What does that even mean? He’s a 20-year-old who’s been with the mother three months…um, okay. Seems unlikely.
(2) He’s just plain playing you.
Choice 2 seems more likely. It sounds to me like he just wants to date two women at the same time. He thinks you’re hot and he really likes you…but he’s got a good thing going with this other girl too. If he thinks there’s a chance you’ll date him while he still has another girl (and by still taking his calls or answering his texts, you are basically letting him know there’s a chance), it sounds like he’s planning on going for it. The other girl probably has no idea, and that sucks.
That said, I don’t think you should go all narc on his ass and tell the other girl he’s been coming on to you. I mean, if they’ve only been together 3 months (which may or may not be true), it’s not that big of a deal, although it totally indicates a shadiness you should stay away from.
But yeah, please, honey, stop taking his calls and go find a cooler and more trustworthy guy. Babies or not, he’s being a douche to that other girl. Why wouldn’t he be a douche to you?

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Finding Love in the Post-College World: Sex and the Unemployed
Finding Love in the Post-College World: Sex and the Unemployed
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