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Michael Lohan: Worst Dad of the Year (Yes, Including Hulk Hogan)

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I’m starting to feel bad for Lindsay Lohan. I know, I am like some evil bitch because it took me two years of watching this girl spiral out of control to hop on the sympathy train, but it is really hard for my to care about someone who has every single bag I’ve ever wanted. And all those awesome clothes! I can’t feel bad for her when I hate her so much.

(And people say I’m materialistic. Pshaw.)

Anyways, the time has finally come for me to feel for this girl. Not because her mom is sh*t nuts. Not because her sister is being whored out on TV for monetary gain. Not because she allegedly has some secret half sister lurking somewhere in the Midwest. Not because she needs to become a lesbian in order to find someone to trust. Not even because she is a lesbian with some creepy looking skinny dude-ish girl.

I feel bad for her because she really has no one she can trust.

I think we all take for granted the fact that, no matter what, at the end of the day we have someone we can turn to that has our best interest at heart. And if no one else, it is usually a parent. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case for a lot of people in showbiz (just look at Britney!) and it is certainly not the case for LiLo.

Even her father has been known to leak her personal info to the press just to see his name in print. On many occasions. And now he is trying to get back on Lindsay’s good graces with this voicemail. The message is creepy and just total bullsh*t. You can almost hear the cogs turning in his brain as he thinks of how he can use her next. He is a total sleazeball. I am beginning to wonder if he paid that Kristi Kaufmann to plant that “He’s the father of my baby” story.

Poor Lindsay has to cut her own parents (we know she’s not talking to Dina since she wants nothing to do with her terrible reality show) out of her life to get some privacy. That is just sad. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t keep my family around me or count on them to protect me.

No matter how many Miu Miu bags this girl has, I can’t help but feel bad.

Not that I still don’t want one. In fact, I’m just gonna keep my eyes open for one of them on EBay. I’m sure Michael will have them up there soon.

[photo courtesy of thehollywoodgossip.com]

COLLEGECANDY Writer
When my mom moved me into my dorm freshman year she left me $65 to buy a humidifier. I took that money and bought a pair of heels because I can sleep without damp air blowing in my face, but I can't rock a humidifier with a hot black mini.