Completely Random Stuff I Wanna Learn Before (Or Slightly After) Graduation

Three days ago, I returned from the first ever Rothbury Festival in Rothbury, Michigan – a 5-day musical event featuring an eclectic range of music, from Dave Matthews to Disco Biscuits to Snoop Dogg. I’m exhausted, my feet are calloused & my cheeks are sunburnt (& freckly!), and maybe it was just all the booze, greenery & glow sticks, but my little spirit is renewed.
After spending a night chillaxin’ in Sherwood Forrest, letting my fatigued body sink into a colorful hammock for two and talk for hours with one of my new best friends over cocktails in combustible corn cups, I knew it was time for a change. A huge, life-changing, effortful change. Something about spending the weekend surrounded by happy, empowering, inspirational people (albeit a little dirty & drugged-up) was a huge, magical, sparkly slap in the face that it’s time for me to conquer, one-by-one, all the things I want to in life.
So, without further adieu, here is my list of sweet stuff I wanna learn.
1. How to give a kick-a** massage. I am OBSESSED with massages. I try to con all my boyfriends, friends, (even boy friends!) to give me little shoulder, back or foot massages (perfect after a long day at work…or shopping). However, I am just as inclined to return the favor because I know how ridiculously nice (and/or orgasm-inducing) a massage can be.
2. How to make sweet jewelry. I used to be the baddest b*tch on the block because I could make friendship bracelets with any color of the rainbow out of any type of string. Unfortunately, I haven’t practiced my art for about, oh, 10 years & I think it’s time for me to get back in the game. But, I sure will have a lot of catching up to do.
3. How to use my super-expensive, practically untouched MAC eyeshadow. I got it off eBay months ago, but have yet to figure out how to actually make it look good. I never really understood why people were called ‘makeup ARTISTS’ until I attempted to blend two colors & ended up looking like a hybrid between this & this.
4. How to bar tend. I thought that the world would magically open up to me and all knowledge surrounding alcohol and how to create, mix and shake up all my favorite shots and drinks would somehow zap into my brain as soon as the clock struck 12 on the eve of my 21st birthday. I was wrong. There is a certain sense of pride I think I’ll feel once I know how to concoct every colorful, delicious (or vomit-inducing) drink ever. Then I’ll finally be the most popular girl at house parties.
5. How to surf. I am in love with the ocean. The only problem is that northeast Ohio is a complete barren wasteland full of far many more cow pastures than salt water & more corn stalks than surfboards. Mark my words, though, I will find a way.
6. How to use Dreamweaver & Photoshop. I don’t even think this is nerdy anymore. It’s more like, essential.
7. How to play Poker. Yes, I’m 21 & have played poker ONCE (and I’m not counting strip poker which involved far more stripping than poker). But, I had to ask for help every hand & eventually got fed up with people getting fed up with me, slammed my cards down on the table and declared that I’d stick to more fun games like A**hole & beer pong…jerks.
8. How to do a few “manly” things. Like how to properly string my own line (er, spool my own reel?) and bait my own hook. And change a tire (yeah, I’m one of those girls). Throw a mean punch. And, um, distinguish between someone who is just being friendly and someone who is actually interested in me (Oh, wait…).
9. How to drive a stick-shift. I am jealous of anybody that can handle 3 pedals when I can barely handle alternating between the brakes & gas without causing collisions.
10. How to be 100% comfortable with myself. I had to get a little sappy here, didn’t I? But, come on, it’s a list of things I want to learn & I think that self confidence is at the top of almost every young gals “To-Do” list.
Honorable Mentions: Complete a whole beer bong. Take a gig as an exotic dancer (& learn how to properly work that pole). Learn how to speak French. Know everything there is to know about wine. Shuffle cards (what? My hands are small!)… and learn the names and histories of as many world leaders (and obviously, the countries they govern) as possible.
[Now lovely CC ladies, it’s your turn to spill. What do you want to learn?]

Craigslist: Cha-Ching!
Craigslist: Cha-Ching!
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