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Virginity: A Guy’s Biggest Fear


I was a bit late when it came to losing my V-Card. Almost every one of my friends handed that thing in long (and I mean looong) before me. It wasn’t that I was waiting for loooooove, or saving myself for marriage; it was just that I had never had a boyfriend and wasn’t ready to give it up to some rando from a frat party.

I wasn’t all loud-and-proud about my virgin status and I wasn’t ashamed. I just was.

When I finally did find myself in a good relationship I decided it was time to wipe the cobwebs off the V-Card and hand that sh*t in. Ok, so maybe I didn’t treat the situation with such ease, but I did finally feel comfortable enough with someone to take the naked plunge.

I thought it was best to tell the guy straight up. I really wanted to be honest with him so he knew where I was coming from…and why it was so damn painful. So, when he began to initiate sex a little while into our relationship I laid it all on the table.

“I just want you to know that I have never been in a real relationship before.” I began.

He looked bored.

“And because I’ve never had a boyfriend before, I have also never had sex before. But I want to have sex with you.”

He stared at me…blankly.

“Ooooook, but I don’t want you getting all attached.”

Yeah. He actually said that. At first I was angry – I mean, seriously? That is all he could come up with to say? Not, “Ok, I will go slow,” or, “I can’t believe you – so hot, sexy and awesome – have never been in a relationship before!” But, no – all he could say was, “Don’t get all annoying on me.”

And what makes him think that the physical act of sex – putting the P in the V – is going to change the way I feel about him? I am not some weepy girl. I am not going to expect a ring on my finger just cuz we got frisky in the bed (and on the kitchen table). Our relationship was not going to be any different the next morning, beyond the obvious post-sex glow/giant breakfast.

But then I realized something: maybe his reaction isn’t really his fault? I know this boy – well – and I know he is not some insensitive prick. I mean, yes, he was a total jerkwad, but guys have always been shown/told/taught that sex changes everything for a woman. That sleeping with someone takes things to another level. And taking someone’s virginity (especially when they are so much older than “normal”) only means more emotional attachment.

He wasn’t trying to be a scumbag – he really just didn’t understand.

Guys are totally afraid of virgins. They really think that all girls are waiting for love to hop into bed and are planning the wedding/house in the suburbs/2.5 kids after the first night of passion. And we all know that is not true. I am sure there are some girls out there that do want those things (I do….eventually), but there are also plenty of girls who just want trust and comfort in their first partner. Maybe girls wouldn’t place so much emphasis on it if guys weren’t always making such a big deal.

Having a V-Card isn’t always such a big deal to a girl; why does it have to mean so much to a guy?

I always keep brownies in my purse. Right next to my flask. And a pack of orange mint Orbit.