Paris Hilton for President: That’s Hot 2008

So here’s the sitch: John “I’m not dead yet” McCain likened Barack “Too Sexy for this presidency” Obama to Paris Hilton in one of his feeble attempts to get attention, or you know, “campaign,” which is pretty funny considering that McCain is married to a character who is very similar to Hilton. You know, blonde, looks like a leather handbag, is an heiress to a shit-ton of money but doesn’t really contribute other than being “umm, kinda good looking?”

I digress.

Anyway, the democrats got all pissy and whiney about the ad and made some comments that didn’t do anything to help the situation, but I’m sure they’re still whining about it, not being productive, you know, the usual. I didn’t really see the problem with the ad, mainly because I was psyched about Paris Hilton being president.

I’m not really wild about either candidate, so I’m going to have to say we all write-in Paris Hilton for president for 2008. Mostly, because who couldn’t do a better job than what’s his name? Also, because she would hopefully implement some great policies that would bring this country out of it’s depressing state.

She’s a perfect representative for America. She has tons of super sweet connections with people, even if the majority of her network is people she’s given blow jobs to. She’s concerned with appearances and does not approve of anything “not hot,” like terrorism, hate crimes, animal cruelty and flannel. She doesn’t seem to care about either the Democrat or Republican party, but she does party, thus making her the perfect middle ground this country needs.

I’d start tuning into C-SPAN if she passed a law that mandated everyone in the House of Representatives to bring a tiny pursedog or other cute animal to every meeting. I’d watch her speeches, even if most of them were interrupted by her answering text messaged on her bedazzled BlackBerry. I’d even watch her speeches if they were filmed in Night Vision!

Maybe John “I Just Wet My Depends” McCain has a solid point. Maybe all this country needs is a little hotness. So, who’s with me?

Hilton ’08: Yes, We CAN, bitch! Loves it!

“Laying Pipe” And Other Unappealing Euphemisms For Sex
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