The Top 5 Dave Matthews Songs Your Ex Ruined

I can’t explain what it is about Dave Matthews, but millions of college boys fall in love with him year after year. And so, by default, do the girls they date. I’m even pretty sure at about 40% of the country’s universities, you can’t even apply unless you’ve been to or intend to attend a Dave Matthews show, because he’s so “f*ckin unbelievable live.” Right? Riiiight.

I admit, I’ve been. It’s an amazing live show, it really is. That and the contact high you can get on the walk from the parking lot to the amphitheater is sick. But no, boys definitely love the Dave, and when you date one, you learn to love (or tolerate, or pay to see) him too. The odds are not in your favor–you will learn to deal.

I personally was never into Dave Matthews until I dated his stalker, a guy who had been to over 30 shows around the country, owned every album, some memorabilia…you get the idea. He had a man-crush on Dave. So, I tried to appreciate instead of judging him as a little weird (error in judgment number one). I downloaded more Dave than my own iPod could handle, I think at one point a good sixth of my playlist was devoted to DMB. I took it even further and went to a few shows. Which were good, you know, until I attached memories of the guy to them. And then the relationship ended on an incredibly bad note. And I was left with the sappy croonings of Dave Matthews to remind me what a moron I’d been. Never again can I think about seeing him live (which is sooo fun if you tailgate) or throwing on a random mix to fall asleep to.

Dave had to go, and after removing him from my iPod (but not my iTunes, should I lapse), I was safe. Or so I thought.

The songs below will inevitably be played at the least opportune moment, after that beer you shouldn’t have had, when you know you’re going home alone, and when you’re more emotionally vulnerable than you’ve been in months. I have yet to meet a girl who isn’t reminded of some guy from her past by this man,and so have created a list of the top 5 worst Dave songs to ever come on after a break up.

In no particular order, these always bring back painful memories and make you wish you never had the ex burn you a Dave Matthews mix:

1)Crash. I’d end it now by saying the entire album, but that’s no fun. When your relationship was at its best this is the song you’d listen to and think happy little love thoughts. And now when I hear it, I cringe and retch a little.

2)Two-Step. “Celebrate we will, because life is short but sweet for certain…” And so was that relationship. Only replace “sweet” with bitter and painful, or any other adjectives that remind you of how that experience ended. Plus there’s ALWAYS some dumb drunk frat boy screaming “TWO STEP!” on the lawn at the summer shows, convinced that Dave can hear him and will honor the request, just all-around bad news.

3) Satellite. Ooof, this was my FAVORITE Dave song. He played this at my first ever concert of four I went to, and it was a perfect night, at the beginning of a perfect summer romance… I remember road trips and heart-to-hearts about feelings caused by this song, and now it’s all just tainted. Cannot listen to it.

4) The Space Between. And now that’s all that’s left between you and your ex. Awesome. Bartender, can I get a shot of tequila? This one goes out to my best friend, scarred by a Dave groupie at an early age, who would likely prefer her own eardrums to explode than be put through memories associated with this song.

5)#41. “I wanted to stay, I wanted to play, I wanted to loooooooove youuuuuuu…” Need I say more? Can’t hear this without thinking, yes, wanted to love you, and want to know where the HELL I got that idea.

Any other Dave jams you just can’t take that didn’t make my top 5?

photo courtesy of www.moonbattery.com

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