Nine Reasons I Can’t Wait to Go Back to School (!!!)


As soon as I arrive home from school for summer break I spend the next three months filling my family members in on everything that happened to me throughout the year. I expect them to smile, laugh, cry, and sob at all the appropriate moments in a story and I can’t lie, I get very angry when they don’t. I cannot comprehend why my mom doesn’t find it hilarious that I woke up next to a homeless man one morning. Even my dog is walking out on my, “and one time at school…” stories when August arrives. So it’s always exciting to get back to school and be around the people that star in all my stories.


One of the hardest parts of readjusting to home life is drinking alcohol in moderation. When I first came home my parents would offer me a glass of wine at dinner and I would chug it down and put my glass out for more. They told me I needed to learn moderation, I told them that they needed to learn that if they wanted to get buzzed before the first course they would have to sip a little faster. They suggested I might be an alcoholic, I suggested that they suck. I can’t wait to go back to school, drink wine from a box and take shots of what may or may not be rubbing alcohol and not get stared down for getting drunk before sunset.


I’m very old now and so its ludicrous for me to have any rules when I’m home. However that doesn’t stop my mother from playing twenty questions every time I go out or come home. How was it? Who was there? Does she like school? What did you drink? Did you buckle up? How much did you tip? Did you see anyone from high school? Really? She got that fat? I love being at school and stumbling home at 3 a.m and having no one care. I love waking up underneath the kitchen table and not having to give anyone a reason why.


The summer has been an exhausting and constant wardrobe change since apparently, outside of the college world, one is expected to wear different clothes everyday. And not only am I expected to have a different outfit every day, my pants aren’t supposed to have an elastic waistband. So I am obviously beyond ecstatic to get back to school and alternate between varying sweat pants that all basically resemble each other.


It’s amazing how my parents would never just give me handfuls of cash, yet they will annually put money into my school account, which basically serves as my credit card. In an attempt to be financially responsible and save my own personal money, I buy everything possible at the school bookstore, on their account. And its truly miraculous how much the school bookstores sell these days. I’ve purchased everything from a new hoodie to a leather-bound planner to new toilet paper.


New color-coded, plastic-wrapped school supplies is my biggest fetish. I love buying new notebooks and folders and labeling all of them with course titles. I love putting my syllabuses into plastic sleeves and sliding worksheets into crisp folder pockets. Of course the fun wears off as soon as I actually have to use the notebooks. My new pens suddenly aren’t as exciting when they are taking notes and my highlighters don’t seem as bright when they are being used to read textbooks late at night. But if senior year is all that it is cracked up to be, I assume that I will never use any of my new school supplies and they will always stay in their pristine condition


I’ve loved living in New York this summer and going out to happy hours and after-work parties. But I’m starting to get tired of having to admit to people that I’m still a college intern. And even though some conversations about employment opportunities at JP Morgan can be stimulating, I’m done discussing stock options and health insurance policies with people who graduated when I was still learning to read. Once I get back to school I won’t have to wonder if someone was born in the same decade as my parents. And no one will make fun of me for incorporating words like “frats,” “fake IDs,”and “finals” into sentences.


I’ve only had three pictures tagged of myself this entire summer. I’ve only kept one of those tagged. If someone was to look at my Facebook, it would seem that I didn’t leave my house for the entire summer. I sit around staring at my Facebook in eager anticipation for all the new pictures tagged of me in albums like “back at school” and “live for the friends we’ll never remember and the hangovers we’ll never forgot.”


It’s such a buzzkill when you get a huge group of friends together and everyones pregaming and laughing and making memories and then you realize someone has to stay sober and drive you around. And while some people can have fun sober, I can’t stand being completely sober around drunk people. I can’t laugh at their jokes, I can’t chuckle when they trip, and I’m in no mood to debate whether they should drunk text that guy. I love that I don’t even have to think about it at school since everything is a short walk away.

[Why are YOU excited to go back to school?] 

Anthrax Suspect Obsessed With Kappa Kappa Gamma Sorority
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